Mercury And Solace
by asagohan-no-bento
Summary: Strobe, Movement, Music, Freedom. The thrill of the escape, Watanuki's true addiction. Complete. R&R DouWata Lemons. THANK YOU EVERYONE! ITS BEEN FUN!
1. Mercury And Solace

A/N: Just a fun AU (somewhat OOC) oneshot for DouWata. I was suffering from some writer's block (sorry for my Container readers) and this was its manifestation, so enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own xxxHolic, but goodness, I really wish I did. (have you seen the new chapters?!)

--

_Strobe, _

"Hey have you guys heard?" Came the silently whispered voice. The other crouching adolescents shook their heads, causing their overly layered hair to whip around their faces. The boy sighed silently, when do they ever know before he does.

_Movement_

"Tonight at the empty warehouse off sunset and vine. We're going." The others gasped and then quickly cheered at the news.

"We're so in Kimihiro!" They said in unison.

_Music_

The first period bell rang out in the background, and all five students groaned in dismay. Watanuki smiled at the small division of deliquents. "So I'll see you after class. Spread the word around, okay." The tall, lithe, Ring leader stated as he walked away to his classroom on the vast campus.

_Freedom._

...

_I repeat, there has been a disturbance at Sunset and Vine, all units report. There has been a disturbance at Sunset and Vine. _

The patrol car was kicked into gear as soon as the annocement started, sirens blaring. Cars swerved to the side, allowing the now numerous police to pass, racing to their set destination in the dark night.

"Neh, Doumeki-san, this is the most excitement we've gotten in a while, eh?" Said Doumeki's cheery partner, sitting happily in the passenger seat. Doumeki nodded. His partner turned to him, concern wavering on his face.

"What's on your mind?" The smaller male asked, now fully aware that something was up. Doumeki shook his head, eyes focused on the road in front of them as they swerved between cars and sped past traffic lights.

"There was a tip-off yesterday, we think _he'll_ be there." Replied Doumeki's collected voice. His partner's eyes widened in apprehension, tension, and understanding.

...

_Strobe, _

This was Watanuki's domain. The blaring techno, the infinite warehouse ceilings, the innumerable crowds following the same beat, all of which he had created. The dancing teenagers were finally beginning to feel the effects of the aphrodesiac as their movements became more physical, apparently no one had noticed the spike in the punch, and if they did, it was happily welcomed.

_Movement_

Watanuki had been in the center of the main crowd, his place and everyone knew it, but he now sat sprawled out on an antique armchair sitting atop a raised area where manufacturing machines used to be. His crystal eyes absorbed every change in direction, every facial expression, and a breathtaking smile spread across his face. The fun was just starting, it would be a while until it was the best part.

Several tipsy classmates came over to where Watanuki sat luxuriously. One of them sat in his lap, the other two on an individual armrest.

"Damn Kimihiro, this is why we practically live for you man." Said the person to his right, a skinny underclassman wearing overly tight faded jeans, and a dark tie-died shirt.

Watanuki reached into his back pocket, placing the tiny girl on his lap onto one leg. He pulled out a small plastic container and threw it to his right where the underclassman caught it.

The small boy's eyes widened in shock, and the other two adolescents leaned in closer to get a look, both gasping upon recognition. The small girl that was now fully on his lap again turned to face him, straddling his hips.

"How did you get your hands on it Kimi? Its not even on the market anymore." The girls high pitched voice matching her expression of disbelief. The music continued to blare in the background, the deep bass vibrating the ground. Watanuki laughed lightly.

_Music_

"Its a secret." He responded standing lightly and allowing the girl to slip into his seat, "Enjoy the rest of the night." He said smiling and walking away from the excited adolescents who eagerly dug into the gift.

_Pleasure_

Watanuki began to blend into the crowd again as the unmistakable sound of police sirens could be heard and Watanuki's sensual expression was replaced with a crooked smile of pure bliss.

The crowd began to slow as more people became aware of what was up, the music was then cut off and people began to collect near the back doors. This was what they were waiting for.

The thrill of the escape, Watanuki's true addiction.

Watanuki began to direct people up the stairs, designating several section leaders, giving them the general escape plan, and then left them to organize the execution as he began to walk towards the front.

The police chief's voice could be heard through the loud speaker, old and raspy.

"COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP, WE HAVE THE BLOCK ON LOCKDOWN." Declared the voice, and Watanuki stepped out into the crisp night air, hands held lazily above his head innocent expression on his face. There were about ten cop cars blocking off the road, and about five men behind the two cars in front of the building's entrance.

"Something wrong officer?" Watanuki's voice was sweet and sincerely curious, but underlying smugness was layered in his tone. The man spoke into the speaker again.

"We know there are more in there, stop screwing around or we will use force." Came the magnified irritation. Watanuki tilted his head to the side.

"Oh, are you talking about them?" He asked head tilting back, hand pointing up to roof. Just then, hundreds of whooping voices came from the roof top and Watanuki smiled, as the police tensed and pulled out their hand guns, aiming behind the bullet proof cars.

The still party high teenagers were all leaning off the railing of the roof, but then they retreated from sight. All that could be heard was the drunken giggles. Watanuki yelled to them.

"ARE YOU READY?" He asked. A loud "YES!" could be heard and then the teens started to count down.

"THREE! TWO! ONE!" And suddenly the kids were jumping from the left and right railing, landing on the roof tops of the neighboring buildings, making their effortless exit. The Police were stunned and began to shoot. Watanuki made use of the confusion and ran back into the building, heading for the back entrance. He once again was embraced by the chilling air, and he quickly scanned the area before running out into the dark allies.

_Freedom_

He made a quick right at the end of the path but ran into a firm surface, falling back onto the ground.

"Ow-" He winced to himself when a bright light was shined in his eyes and he brought his hands up to his face to block it.

"Neh, watch where you're pointing that thi-" The light was then pulled away and Watanuki could see the figure responsible, and who else but another cop. He smiled, this was his addiction after all.

The tall, brown haired, golden eyed man in uniform stepped closer to him and Watanuki smiled.

"This is no place for kids." Came the stern voice. Watanuki knew exactly how to handle this.

The man's face seemed to be kept in a permanent scowl, and Watanuki began to hoist himself up, stumbling forward slightly, in a perfectly executed manner, and the cop dropped the flashlight to catch him.

Watanuki brought his hand to his face again, playing out the role of distressed, lost, innocent child.

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little dizzy." Watanuki said in a pleading, desperate voice. "I think, someone drugged me." Fake tears began to cluster into his eyes, and he looked at the emotionless police officer who was still holding him.

Watanuki straightened himself out, but kept one of his hands clutched onto the sleeve of the other male. Watanuki began to hic pathetically, it was almost scary how sincere it sounded, and he could feel the policeman let his guard drop. He smiled to himself.

"I didn't know what was happening, they stuffed me into a car, and then when I woke up, I was in that old building. Several guys ganged up on me and then they...they." He made the tears roll freely now, and he leaned into the man's chest, who hugged him awkwardly.

"Do you need help getting home?" The man asked, a padded softness in his voice, and Watanuki felt a twinge of guilt in his stomach. Watanuki shook his head and began to release the police officer when a voice came from around the corner.

"Doumeki-san!" The two men tensed, Watanuki's true face now replacing the deceptive one and the tall officer looked down at him in confusion. Watanuki's signature crooked smile spread across his face as he tugged on the collar of the handsome man.

He teasingly placed his lips to the other's firm ones, true sensual cravings radiating from him. "See you around." He breathed lightly into the now completely shocked man's ear.

_Mercury_

Watanuki then sprinted in the other direction, effortlessly hopping over the wired fence at the end of the ally, running into the bottomless night, pure adrenaline racing through his veins, completely enraptured smile on his face, sparked warmness sticking to his lips.

...

"Doumeki-san, is everything alright?" Doumeki's oblivious interruption questioned. He turned to the man, completely speechless, mind still in shock from the touch of the handsome, deceptive stranger. He didn't answer, but instead picked up his forgotten flash light, and continued his patrol, mind never wavering from the unknown teenager's retreating figure. "So that was _him _huh?" He confirmed more then questioned to himself.

_And Solace._

--

A/N: Ah, a part of me wants to write a sequel for this, but that's how I always am. So I'll leave it up to you guys, should I write a sequel? Well, I hope you enjoyed this, and to anyone who knows the song, kudo points to you! Review please and thank you! Until next time!


	2. Glass Danse

A/N: Hey everyone! So here's is what was asked of me...and I hope you will enjoy! This story is becoming more angsty then I originally intentioned, and I think it may be due to personal dilemmas...(shifts eyes from side to side.) anyways, as always enjoy and please review!

Disclaimer: I do not own xxxHOLIC, CLAMP has a bit of a sharing issue... And Glass Danse is the under the rightful ownership of the magnificent band The Faint. (yes it is Danse, I found this out too when I was looking up the lyrics.)

**Glass Danse:**

--

**feel the vapor pressure drop as the dark**

**steam pours out the entrance.**

_"Where the HELL have you been?" Came his father's angered voice. Watanuki merely sighed as he continued to remove his shoes at the door, keeping his eyes to the ground, not daring to look at the probably completely plastered man's face. Watanuki could hear his father's hard footsteps as he approached him. _

_"What a waste." Stated his father, as the drunken man grabbed a handful of Watanuki's smooth, charcoal fair from the roots. Watanuki's expression was set in stone, he highly doubted his he could even feel pain anymore. _

_"I wonder how many men you pleased tonight with this worthless body of yours," came the older male's voice, as he began to trace his hand up the younger boy's shirt. Watanuki was then thrown against the door, head colliding with the hard wood, and he pathetically slid down the surface, as his father approached him again. _

_"Not that it will matter-" Watanuki was pulled up by the front of his shirt, "you'll always belong to-"_

**real cold world is swirling into a club that keeps the real life world out. **

**where every sense seems deathly weak from the frozen time you spent in transit.**

"Hey Kimihiro!" Came the excited classmate's voice, as the taller boy proceeded in slapping Watanuki's severely bruised back. Not like the other male was aware of it, nor did Watanuki give it away, but only accomplishing in bringing the slightly dazed boy back from his haunting reminiscence of the night previous.

"Morning Ted," Responded the smaller adolescent. The other man smiled as they both began to walk towards the school quad. "Have fun last night?" Watanuki asked, knowing full well of what the answer would be.

Ted's chiseled face brightened. "Man, that was one great rave, how long did it take you to put it all together?" He asked, eye's practically sparkling as he replayed last night's events in his head. Watanuki smiled at his enthusiasm. "Not too long," he responded.

They arrived at the large table his peers, and practically followers, occupied during periods. They all smiled when they saw Watanuki arrive and pounced on him eagerly.

"Great Job Kimi!" "Last night was INSANE!" "When's the next one?" Were the only things Watanuki could decipher from the overly zealous group of adolescents praises and appeasements as they gathered around him to deliver their daily hellos.

Watanuki smiled again, truly happy to be back where he belonged, and to be welcomed so earnestly. "Well..." Watanuki dug into his front jean pocket, pulling out a folded piece of paper. The other teenagers looked at him with wide eyes.

"There was an apartment complex off Coldwater and Beverly that was evacuated recently." Everyone's face lit-up in anticipation. "Why don't we make a visit tomorrow?" Watanuki offered, and the small crowd of peers cheered in excited unison.

"I'll take that as a yes then?" He asked, simply milking the happiness that radiated from his friends. They all looked back at him with an expression of, do-you-really-need-to-ask-that?, and Watanuki smiled again. "Alright, just make sure the word gets around." And everyone shook their heads, slowly making their ways to class before the tardy bell had a chance to ring.

**the glass dance world flickers on and the**

**low end thaws your anxious body**

...

**maybe i feel detatched, i may just look too shy,**

**it's a disinterest not that i'm a timid guy.**

"Doumeki-san?" Came his partner's curious voice. "Hn?" Was his response, not that he wanted to be distracted from his current occupation, but at least giving the younger male the reassurance that he was listening would do something to keep him from being disturbed further.

"What are you doing?" _Or Not. _Doumeki sighed to himself.

"Looking through the records of recent public disturbances in the area." Came his emotionless reply, never taking his eyes away from the opened manilla envelopes. He heard his partner approach him and he internally sighed, already knowing the inquiry he would receive.

"Why are you doing that?" Came the inevitable question. Doumeki merely grunted in a response, shoulder's raising in an indifferent shrug. His partner crossed his arms over his small chest, putting more weight on his left leg then the other, looking at Doumeki curiously.

The stoic man sighed again, reluctant to answer his companion's question. "Curious." He answered in the simplest way possible. His partner, through years of adjusting to Doumeki's silent mannerisms understood, He did want to talk about it, simple as that. The smaller of the two shook his head, and tapped Doumeki on the shoulder.

"Alright, but if there's anyway I can help, you know where to find me." He reassured, in his usual friendly manner. Doumeki grunted in response and the other exited the room. Doumeki released a sigh and allowed himself to focus more on his task.

_"If only there was a name, to place the face to." _He thought to himself, wondering if he would ever come across the stranger that had been occupying his every thought since the day previous.

**i call them bodies but, they are attentive too,**

**i feel the social glare i feel the attitude.**

...

**watch as mirrors clear themselves with the**

**breath of frigid air that eased in.**

"Neh, Lionel? Do you need anything else for set up?" Watanuki asked to their unanimously voted Dj. The tall, lanky caucasian with bright orange dread-locks pulled himself from under the table where he was connecting his turn-tables. He smiled, causing his freckled face to wrinkle with laugh lines.

"Naw, we're all good here. Just as long as this gig isn't themed." He said sarcastically, making a joke towards Watanuki's little-known peeve of themed anything, Christmas, Halloween, you name it. The slightly shorter teen smiled, and nodded. "Well, if you need anything, you know where to find me."

Watanuki began to walk away, slowly tallying what other items would be needed for that night. _The tip-off's been made, the strobes and lights are on their way, we still need cups and drinks... _Watanuki pulled out his slim cell phone and flipped it open, dialing the number of another trusted soul.

"Tina? Its Kimi. You wouldn't happen to have anything for some Sangria on your hands would you..."

**made up babies all rotate as a siren**

**spins a beam of amber. **

...

**time sliced beat by beat **

**in a row, in a club,** **in a line, in the city**

_Tonight again. I'll just have to look out for him then. _Doumeki thought as the usually busy streets rushed past him, partner antsy in the passenger seat. Doumeki's hands gripped the wheel tighter in anticipation, and his partner smiled at the gesture.

"Someone's excited." The thinner man said aloud, and not quite to himself. Doumeki just smirked as they pulled up to the stranded complex, and parked behind the other waiting patrol cars.

**the glass dance world**

**flickers on because the cycle happens enough:**

...

"Kimi...they're all outside, what should we do?" Came the less than screamed voice next to the lithe, fiercely rocking teenager. Watanuki turned and looked at the apprehensive looking peer and smiled. "Are you ready for it?" He asked slyly. Suddenly, everyone stopped their movements and turned in Watanuki's direction, small whispers slowly making a loud roar.

Watanuki pulled the taller teenager closer to him, and delivered the plan of execution in a silent whisper. The other's eyes widened and a huge grin appeared on his face which Watanuki mirrored. "Got it?" Watanuki asked. The other teen then grabbed the person closest to him and began to spread the chain of escape.

...

**a baby falls out warm, it's screaming for it's life,**

**an infant tries to dance as it grows up then dies.**

Doumeki, and the majority of the other officers were preparing to break down the front door of the apartment complex, which lead to the large open patio where he would most-likely be. The pacing police chief could be heard behind them, and Doumeki was becoming worried at his thoughts, why was this child affecting him so?

Voices, distinct voices could be heard from the inside. They started as a small murmur, but they began to grow, and the prepared officers glanced at each other. Shrieks, terrified shrieks approached the other side of the door, and then the police were pushed back as the doors were thrown open by the panicking teenagers who were frantically trying to get out, screaming inaudible absurdities as they did.

"HE...HE!" "HE JUST WENT AND SHOT HIMSELF!" "GET US OUT OF HERE!" Came the teenager's frightened screams as they began to push past the wall of authorities. Doumeki was being grabbed by several crying girls and he saw that a group of about five kids would latch onto an individual officer, and push them towards the open door.

"PLEASE! PLEASE HELP US!" "WHY DID HE DO IT?" "THE BLOOD...IT WAS EVERYWHERE!" The three small adolescents screamed from Doumeki's sides and finally the police chief began to speak.

"WHAT IN THE BLAZES IS GOING ON?" He asked through his loud speaker and finally the teenagers turned towards him, stopped their frantic pulling and pushing. One brave girl spoke out, tears falling from her eyes.

"He...just came in and...put the" She made the gesture of a gun to the head, wiping away a few tears as she did. "and he...pulled the trigger." The poor girl then broke down and collapsed to the floor, face in her hands. Doumeki became suddenly panicked and scanned over the heads of the wailing adolescents. He wasn't there. Doumeki turned and ran into the building, and once he entered, he could hear the footsteps of his fellow officers behind him.

Once they were all inside, they began to inspect the area for the aforementioned suicidal. A small chuckle could be heard from the door way, and they all looked up, where a tall, lithe, charcoal haired boy, in tight purple jeans and a faded v-neck stood, arms stretched in preparation to shut the now menacing doors.

"Thanks for your concern boys, have a nice night." A brilliant crooked smile appeared on the boy's face, and Doumeki's breath hitched. The boy's eyes connected with his right before the door was slammed shut, and the distinct sound of a chain could be heard, followed by a hollow locking sound.

...

**that's simplified but uh. . .when your complexion dries,**

**you wake up cold and think, you wish it'd been this way. **

The hundreds of adolescents started to cheer in excitement as they ran down the street full of deserted patrol cars, slashing the tires as they went.

"I can' t believe that worked!" Came an excited upperclassmen's voice besides Watanuki, whose sprinting feet began to slow down, preventing him from racing back to his dreary home.

"You okay Kimi?" Came another classmates voice, and Watanuki shook his face. "Yeah, I'm just going to make sure that there's no evidence left over..." He stated, head slightly in a daze, trying to delay his return to the dark place he was previously heading.

A picture of that singular officer appeared in his mind and Watanuki smiled. _"The perfect distraction."_ He thought to himself. Watanuki then turned and began running towards the building they had just so brilliantly escaped from.

...

They had finally managed to break down the front door, the police chief screaming and complaining in the background all the while. Unfortunately for them, they then soon discovered that all of their tires had been slashed, and driving away would be practically impossible. This set off another string of irritated complaints from the commander, and Doumeki rolled his eyes.

_"How could he have gotten away so easily?"_ He thought angrily, he had let that small moment of panic take over him and thus his current situation. Doumeki tuned and faced the building when he heard a small noise come from the left side of the building. He approached the area apprehensively, but he heard a small, distinct chuckle from the darkness, and he walked more confidently in.

"Why did he come back? What is he trying to get?" He internally questioned when suddenly he was pulled completely into the darkness by two slender hands gripped into his chest.

"Miss me?" Came a silently whispered voice, which was inches from his face, before he was pulled in for another heated embrace.

--

A/N: So due to the wonderful reviews I received, I decided to make this into a series. That's right, not just a sequel, but a SERIES! Of course, this means that I'm going to have my plate full and really have to get on the ball about updating. So I hope you enjoyed and please Review!


	3. Simple Life

A/N: Hey everyone! I'll have you know that I had like two other songs planned but when I wrote it with the story, I couldn't get the chapter done, then I randomly came across this song in my itunes, and BAM! the chapter wrote itself, so I hope you will enjoy it!

**Warnings**: boy-on boy, vague smut, kissing, and Watanuki being incredibly rude, thus my rating change.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own xxxHolic, nor do I own Carolina Liar's song Simple Life.

**Simple Life:**

--

**In everlasting cigarette, that's all you want.**

**Waiting for a bus to take you back home.**

This kiss was deep, unrelenting, stuck. The young teenager had never felt such a reaction before, such an instantaneous, seemingly fleeting feeling.

He was losing his breath, head spinning. The older man gently guided the younger towards the wall, giving him support. This was not what he had intended.

His original goal was a simple delay of his unpleasant fate, to stall, waiting, and maybe enjoy himself a little...but definitely not to _this _extent.

**'Cause Tuesday came too soon, Wednesday left you feeling used. **

**Oh tomorrow, you hope at lest its warm.**

This couldn't go any farther without its repercussions. Watanuki had to secure his safety, make sure that when this ended, nothing would be able to fall over his head.

He slowly moved one slender hand to the front of the officer's pants, trailing his tongue along a soft lower lip.

**Don't you wanna live a simple life?**

**You pray for change before you turn out the lights.**

The officer tensed, but then relaxed, and Watanuki continued in his underlying plan for security. The zipper and belt undone, Watanuki proceeded in his small ministrations gripping the other's firm length.

A longer breath was released into their kiss and Watanuki reveled in the power he had gained. He felt warm liquid grace his fingers. _One down._ He thought internally, removing the hand, smearing the liquid across his jeans and shirt.

The action was left somewhat unnoticed, and the completely kind, soft, welcoming other moved closer, allowing the younger access into his mouth. Watanuki moved his tongue expertly against the other's, and small sparks flew up the teenager's spine, guilt crowding in his stomach for what he was about to do.

**Burn a bridge every time it feels right.**

**You don't want to forget where you're from. **

...

**So tired of feeling cheap, you're always in need.**

**Innocent, at least that's what you think. **

The younger boy pulled away, laughing uncaringly to himself, leaving the older to catch his breath. "What?" Doumeki breathed huskily, built up lust clear in his tone.

Yes, he was shocked himself, that after being a man of such well-known restraint, gave in so easily to this, need-he-remind-himself, _child's_ temptation.

The still nameless boy continued his careless laughter, and Doumeki unconsciously started to nip at the boy's exposed neck, marking the unmarred skin, claiming his territory. The boy's breath hitched and a hand climbed its way to Doumeki's chest, pushing him away firmly, but almost with an edge of reluctance, of...apology.

"Its Doumeki, isn't it?" The boy started in a condescending manner.

**You got two beasts to kill, so empty your gun of good intensions. **

**They weren't quite enough.**

...

**Don't you wanna live a simple life. **

**You pray for change before you turn out the lights.**

Watanuki watched as the other man nodded slightly, eyes glazed from their previous actions. The younger boy smiled a little, unexplainable regret pooling in his stomach.

"Its Kimihiro." Watanuki stated to the man, and the other let out a soft laugh, and for the first time Watanuki blushed, forgetting his original intentions. "What?" He retorted embarrassedly. Doumeki's handsome golden eyes locked with his and Watanuki almost looked away- almost.

"Its a little late for that don't you think?" Doumeki stated and continued his laughter, and Watanuki too joined in. The laughter soon died and Doumeki rested his forehead against the other's. "What are you doing to me?" The other man breathed and Watanuki sighed, wondering the same thing. Then, he remembered his current situation, of what he had to do, and where he had to return to.

Watanuki put up his facade again and fully pushed Doumeki away from him, despite the nagging feeling he felt in his chest. "Well, time to go." He stated cheerily, as if he wasn't deeply hurting on the inside. He then turned and began to walk away, but was pulled back by a firm hand on his wrist.

**Burn a bridge every time it feels right. **

**Don't you want to forget where you're from?**

...

**Don't you want to forget where you're from?**

Doumeki was in complete shock of the boy's actions, how haphazard and spontaneous they were. _How can anybody live this way?_ He thought to himself.

"Where are you going?" He asked, almost pleaded. Kimihiro's blue eyes connected with his and he thought for almost a second he saw a shade of remorse in them. "Home." He easily stated and pulled away his grip.

Doumeki felt a shakiness in the younger adolescent's being as the boy turned to face him. "Unless my Romeo wishes to stop me." The boy stated comically before becoming serious.

"And if you dare try and stop me, now or ever, I'll just have to use this-" He pulled at his shirt and pointed to his jeans, "-as evidence."

The stoic man stood there completely astounded. _That small, conniving, intoxicating prick_. He thought darkly. Kimihiro's face became bright again as he turned away, his head turned over his shoulder connecting his glance to Doumeki's.

"Have a good night officer!" He stated as he ran off into the darkness.

**You just want to live a simple life.**

**You pray for change before you turn out the lights.**

...

**Burn a bridge every time it feels right. **

**You don't wanna forget where you're from. **

For the first time, in what seemed like forever, Watanuki was crying as he sprinted away.

"What the hell is this?!" He scolded himself, as he wiped away the drops with his forearm, managing to keep his fast pace as he did.

**You just want to live a simple life.**

**You pray for change before you turn out the lights. **

When he arrived home he climbed up to the second story and into his room, not giving his presence away to his father, desperately wanting to avoid any other form of physical contact, afraid that it would chase off the tingling feeling left on his skin from the officer's caring touch.

_Dammit, Dammit! What's wrong with me?_ He yelled to himself, not able to comprehend the feeling erupting within him.

**Burn a bridge every time it feels right. **

**Don't you want to forget where you're from?**

_I can't see him, ever again. I can't handle this._ He told himself over and over, despite the fact the deep deep inside he knew that was a statement he would never be able to keep.

He was in love with this man, and he was too in love to really understand.

And for the first time since his mother had died, Watanuki Kimihiro silently cried himself to sleep.

**Don't you want to forget where you're from?**

His dreams were restless, with images of the stoic cop, newly expressed emotions, fears, regrets.

And lastly of all the 'first times' that happened within that chaotic day.

**Don't you want to forget where you're from?**

--

A/N: Well...what did you think? I actually really like this chapter, but you know its not about whether I like it, it whether or not _you _like it, so tell me what you think! Ergo- REVIEW! please and thanks!

Until next time!


	4. Just Dance

A/N: Enough with the depression and angst! Shall we move to greener pastures? Happier times? If so then you're in luck! I needed some brightness and so I wrote it. So Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own xxxHolic, nor do I own Just Dance by lady Gaga.

**Warning**!: Well not so much of a warning, but how to enhance your reading. I found that the story comes across much better if you actually listen to the song while you read, because the song's tone is what had me use it for the chapter. So you know, just load up another tab and copy and paste this but remove the spaces! www . youtube . com /watch?v=M65zI9LH-as

**Just Dance:**

--

**I've had a little bit too much. **

**Much.**

Watanuki awoke to pain, throbbing pain streaming through his head and he begrudgingly stood from his bed. He hadn't bothered to change last night, still waring the same faded v-neck, the tight-fitting jeans. He sighed sadly.

He couldn't wash these, they still held his evidence, his safety.

His eyes were slightly red and swollen, he placed his dainty fingers to the puffy skin and sighed again. That was most likely the reason he hadn't cried in so long. It didn't accomplish anything and it hurt. What a useless bodily function.

**All of the people start to rush.**

**Start to rush by.**

He stretched lazily as he looked out the window. It was a Saturday. His heart clenched in fear for a small second. He had to get out of here.

Finally snapping out of his stupor, he grabbed a random pair of pants, a top. After dressing himself he grabbed the small bag in the corner of his disarrayed room, stuffed in a pair of shades and a tribal-colored beanie, wallet and cell-phone, before quietly scurrying down the stairs and out into the hazy morning light.

**Caught in this twister-dance,**

**Can't find my drink oh man.**

A few hours had passed and Watanuki found himself in a park a town over from home, resting quietly on a hard bench, when his phone began to ring.

His stomach clenched as he rolled his eyes. He flipped the device open.

"Yes?" He asked, dreading what he would hear on the other end. The voice breathed out, laughing to itself. "I didn't have a chance to see you last night. I was-" The voice laughed darkly. "worried to say the least."

Watanuki's grip tightened on the phone's metal frame. It was sad how the only time his father wasn't in a completely drunken state of mind, he wasted his time tormenting the fearful adolescent.

"I'm sorry." Watanuki breathed, eyes closing from strain. The man just laughed again.

"Where are you." His Father asked firmly and Watanuki froze again, and for a brief moment Doumeki's face played across Watanuki's mind. The boy smiled in relief.

"The police station." He stated non-chalantly, but confidently as well. His plan had worked, his father's breathing stopped for the smallest of seconds, but that's all Watanuki needed.

"What are you doing there?" The voice asked shakily and Watanuki smiled, newly found drive in his voice. "Nothing really. Goodbye Father Dearest." And with that Watanuki flipped his phone closed and stood smiling into the clouded sky.

He started walking again, disposing the communications device into a passing bin.

He had found his escape.

**Where are my keys? **

**I lost my phone. **

**--**

**What's going on on the floor?**

Doumeki stifled a yawn as he stretched in the uncomfortable rolling chair. He regained his composure when a knocking came at his office door.

"Hn?" He stated, giving whoever permission to enter. The thin, scittish receptionist peeked her head around the door. "Uhm, there's someone here to see you." She stated weakly and Doumeki looked at her with masked curiosity.

"Who is it?" He asked. The receptionist looked at him anxiously, eyes darting from spot to spot. "He...didn't say, but he said that it was very important." Doumeki sighed.

"Send him in then." And the receptionist quickly vanished to go retrieve whoever it was that came to see him.

**I love this record baby, **

**but I can't see straight anymore. **

Doumeki brought his eyes to the door when he heard footsteps approach. They widened indefinitely as he took in the figure that entered.

The tall, lithe boy was clad in another pair of faded, leg hugging jeans, plain teal t-shirt and a yellow sweater, dark shades hiding endless blue eyes and a multi-colored beanie covering the black cropped hair.

"What a clever disguise." Doumeki said sarcastically, still trying to register how no one within the station was able to realize who this person was. The boy smiled pulling off the head-piece and removing the thick-rimmed ray-bands.

"I thought so." He said happily almost skipping towards the officer's cluttered desk.

**Keep it cool, **

**what's the name of this club?**

"What do I owe the pleasure?" Doumeki asked calmly, staring into those beautiful eyes that were so deceiving. The boy just shrugged.

"When's your shift over?" He asked instead. Doumeki looked at him curiously, then to the clock in the corner of the room.

"In an hour. Why?" He couldn't refrain from asking. The eccentric adolescent looked at him with a wide smile.

"Lets go somewhere afterwards okay." The boy stated, not really giving Doumeki any room to protest, happily hopping onto the wooden desk, crossing his long legs. "Why would I do that?" The officer asked again. The boy just leaned closer to him, lightly tracing Doumeki's defined chin.

"Because, if you don't someone just might file charges against you. A very serious charge that would revoke your license and might just land you in a nice cold jail cell." Watanuki stated happily, brushing his lips against Doumeki's.

The officer was at a loss of words. Watanuki hopped down from the desk, re-adorning the beanie and shades. "I'll be waiting for you at the cafe on the corner, I'll only wait an hour. Your reputation rests on it." The boy said confidently walking out the door, closing it gently behind him.

Doumeki sighed, bringing a hand to grip the bridge of his nose, trying to prevent an impending headache. _Guess I'm going out tonight. _He thought tiredly, trying to ignore the excitement that pulled at his chest.

**I can't remember, but its alright. **

**A-Alright. **

**--**

**Just Dance. **

Watanuki smiled as he saw Doumeki's approaching figure, but sighed upon seeing that he was still clad in his uniform. He stood from his wicker chair, placing down a 10 to pay for the drink and tip, then walked out the door.

Doumeki gave him an unsure glance and Watanuki couldn't help but smile at his new fascination.

**Gonna be okay. **

**Dada Dodoom**

**Just Dance.**

Watanuki hooked his arm around Doumeki's and pulled him along the street, Doumeki turning stiff.

"Where are we going?" He questioned firmly and Watanuki turned to him pouting. "Nowhere in that get up." He stated, continuing his pulling.

"First we're getting you a change of clothes." Watanuki continued clearly, adding more meaning to his steps, calling for a cab on the busy street. A car pulled in-front of them.

Watanuki opened the door and slid inside. Doumeki was hesitant, but then followed, causing Watanuki to smile again.

The eager adolescent spoke to the cab driver. "Third Street Promenade, and there's an extra twenty in there if you step on it." The scruffy man looked back at the boy and wearily to the cop. Watanuki rolled his eyes and turned to Doumeki.

"Tell him to do it." He stated, and Doumeki was at a loss. "Just listen to the kid." Doumeki stated and Watanuki hugged him briefly before directing the cab driver again, who drove with gusto.

**Spin that record babe, **

**Dada Dodoom.**

**Just Dance.**

Watanuki happily burst through the large see-through doors of the conveniently located GAP, arm still linked with Doumeki's, and walked straight to the retail manager idly walking around the busy floor.

The tall, bald African American smiled at the sight of the enigmatic Kimihiro, and the boy happily gave the man a hug.

"James I need a favor." Watanuki stated once they had parted, gesturing towards Doumeki. James smiled, leaning to the side with his hands at his waist, skeptically surveying the out-of-place officer.

The man pulled Watanuki over to the side, not comfortable voicing his concern in front of the authorities.

"What have you gotten yourself into this time?" James asked concernedly. Watanuki rolled his eyes and waved his hand dismissively. "Don't worry, I'm not in trouble."

"Then explain to me why you brought a _cop _into my store?" Watanuki smiled. "Do you _really _want to know?" He asked quietly. James thought on this. "Oh never mind sugar, what can I do for you?"

Watanuki laughed a little. "I need to get him an outfit. Something fitting...." Watanuki started, and he linked arms with James as they circled Doumeki, looking him up and down. "But about the color..." They said in unison, both stopping, staring at the ground, thoughtful hand on respective chin.

A spark of genius. "Ah!" They both said turning to each other. "A chocolate brown blazer." James started. "With a navy v-neck." Watanuki continued. Then they both turned to the apprehensive Doumeki, and eyed the length of his legs.

"And a white-washed straight-leg." They finished.

**Gonna by okay. **

**Du-Du-Du-Dance.**

**Dance. Dance. **

**Ju-ju-ju-just Dance.**

**--**

**Wish I could shut my playboy mouth.**

"What the hell is going on?" Doumeki questioned again, plucking at the shape fitting clothing that had somehow managed to stay on him. Watanuki chuckled as they hopped back into a cab.

The boy had also purchased a change of clothing. Faded olive-green skinny jeans, (which Doumeki thinks he may have grabbed from the women's section) a thin brown pull-over sweater and a waist-cut gray jacket, he also sported his ray-bands, hiding the cascade of emotions his eyes expressed.

"You'll see when we get there!" Watanuki stated.

Doumeki sighed. Why was he going along with this? He could just leave if this was really bothering him...but, he just couldn't. Not out of fear for what the boy might do if he did leave, but because he didn't mind being there, with this crazy adolescent.

**How'd I turn my shirt inside out?**

**Inside out, babe.**

The cab pulled over at a busy corner clad in neon lights fighting for dominance with the street ones. If Doumeki hadn't been confused for the past hour and a half, he most certainly was now.

"A night club?" He asked hesitantly, though his tone just came out as unfazed. "You do know that you're a minor...and that you're breaking the law...and that I'm a cop, right?"

Watanuki just looked at him, mouth slightly open. "I think that's the most you've ever said to me." He stated, almost happy at this new discovery.

The stunning boy continued to walk forward, completely skipping past the red-velevet line and going straight to the bouncer.

**Control your poison babe.**

**Roses have thorns they say.**

The boy exchanged some odd form of handshake with the tall, buff man in a dark suit and glasses. They made a joke about something, both laughing heartily as the security guard clamped a large hand on Kimihiro's shoulder gesturing him into the club. Watanuki took a step forward, but then turned to the completely stunned Doumeki.

"Are you coming or what?" He yelled, and before Doumeki could think about what his actions would entail he followed after the kid with connections.

**And we're all getting hosed tonight. **

**--**

**What's going on on the floor?**

Watanuki smiled when he felt Doumeki's hand on his shoulder, both making their way through the crowded room of swaying bodies, clad in backlights, strobes, and various forms of glow-sticks. Watanuki led them over to the long bar, the agile boy hoping up onto the counter, Doumeki warily taking the seat next to him. A smooth blonde bartender approached them.

"Ah Kim! Its been a while. Where have you been?" He asked energetically and Watanuki shared in his exuberance. "You know how it usually is." Watanuki stated and the man just nodded.

"So what'll it be?" The man asked, gaze wavering to Doumeki. "The usual?" Watanuki shook his head and the bartender addressed the other man. "And for you?" He asked. Watanuki smiled.

"He'll have what I'm having." The adolescent stated and Doumeki stared at him. The bartender went away briefly but came back with two glasses, filled with a brown liquid and ice. Watanuki grabbed the drink, but was prevented from consuming it when a firm hand stopped his wrist.

"You're not getting drunk on my watch." The officer stated. Watanuki just brushed his hand away. "Its just iced tea....do you really think that _I _would drink?" He asked sarcastically, taking a sip from the beverage.

"Besides, here you are, an authority of the law, out illegally partying with a minor, and you worried about me consuming alcohol?" He stated jokingly, gaining a new position by standing in-front of Doumeki, resting his elbows on the counter-top, stomach against the square edge. "You really need to get you priorities in check." Watanuki finished.

**I love this record baby, **

**but I can't see straight anymore.**

Doumeki's face became more stern, obviously fully aware of the exact situation he was in. Watanuki began to regret what he had said until Doumeki spoke.

"Its weird, because you _are_ my priority." Doumeki stated, almost not really registering what it was he was saying, until the words were finally in the open where he could examine them. Watanuki's eyes widened and the glass he was holding almost slipped from his hands. "What?"

Doumeki just looked at him and Watanuki could feel the unfamiliar blush creep onto his face. He turned his gaze away from Doumeki, focusing it on his drink when he felt a tug on the side of his pants. Watanuki hesitantly looked back to the stoic cop, who was pulling at the belt-loop at his waist. He let himself be pulled and he was guided into Doumeki's lap, where he was seated rather comfortably, a small smile on his face all the while.

**Keep it cool.**

**What's the name of this club?**

They surveyed the huge crowd on the dance floor, Doumeki resting one arm around Watanuki's waist holding him securely, Watanuki tilting his now empty glass back and forth. This just felt so right, Watanuki thought. He couldn't understand how he had never felt so whole before, so complete.

"What time is it?" Watanuki asked absent-mindedly. Doumeki exposed his wrist, reading the time on his watch. "11:15." He stated and Watanuki managed to break away from Doumeki's hold and stand up. "Where are you going?" Doumeki asked, reluctant to go on another excursion with the sporadic teenager. Watanuki just smiled, lacing his fingers with Doumeki's hand and pulling him out the door.

**I can't remember, but its alright. **

**A-Alright.**

**--**

**Just Dance.**

Effortlessly Watanuki had managed to hail down another cab and the two men got it. "Where are you taking me know?" Doumeki asked again, though not really expecting an answer. Suddenly the boy next to him became much more timid.

"Well I-" He started, fiddling with his hands. "I wanted to go to your place." Watanuki continued, keeping his face turned towards his lap, obviously hiding his embarrassment. Doumeki was slightly taken back, but that was probably the most normal thing someone could ask in this situation, so he was relieved as well that there would be no more unexpected journeys that night. "Sure." Doumeki commented giving his address to the cabbie.

**Gonna be okay.**

**Dada Dodoom.**

**Just Dance.**

Doumeki held his front door open for the boy, who hesitantly walked in. The cop had a decent flat, two-bedrooms, a bath, kitchen and a large open living room, but really, the highlight of the quaint apartment was the view.

The entire back wall were windows leading out to the open patio showing a panoramic view of the busy city which was all lit up with golden lights, and surprisingly that was were Watanuki went as Doumeki discarded his keys and jacket. The cop went into his kitchen and grabbed two drinks, then went outside as well.

"Here." Doumeki said as he handed the boy the can of soda. He took it with a smile and leaned against the patio's metal railing. "Its beautiful." He stated, smiling at the darkness. Doumeki just looked at him, leaning his hip against the railing as well, crossing one foot over the other and popping open the can. "Its nice when we're not cleaning it up." The cop stated sarcastically, and Watanuki threw a glance at him, but then started laughing carelessly as he turned back to the city scene.

**Spin that record, babe. **

**Dada Dodoom.**

**Just Dance. **

"How do you do it?" Doumeki asked the petite boy smiling into the small night breeze. Watanuki just turned to him. "Do what?" He asked, head resting on his forearm on the railing. "Be so haphazard?" Doumeki elaborated. Watanuki sighed.

"I guess, its the only way I feel alive. To never know what to expect, but to expect something great." He stated, almost in a dreamy manner. Doumeki just looked at him, not expecting such an honest answer. The boy looked at him smiling.

"And its more fun." He added, trying to alleviate the heavy mood. Doumeki reached out his hand and cupped the boy's soft cheek, and Watanuki's breath hitched. The taller man discarded his drink on the small patio table to the side and stepped closer to Watanuki, who had closed his eyes and rested into the warm palm on his skin.

Doumeki brought his other hand and cradled the boy's head in his hands, inching in closer as if being pulled there. Doumeki slowly brushed their lips together, absorbing the small sparks he felt at the action. Then he placed his lips more firmly onto the other's incredibly soft ones, eyes closing and just feeling.

**Gonna be okay.**

**Du-Du-Du-Dance.**

The kiss carried out silently, both experimentally moving their lips against the other, seeing if this euphoric feeling could get any better. They slowly pulled away, barely opening their eyes, staring at the other to see the conviction reflecting in both their irises.

Watanuki sighed. "What time is it?" He asked breathlessly. Doumeki was somewhat shocked at the question, but again glanced at his watch. "12:02. Why?" He responded, every spoken word filled his an underlying huskiness. Watanuki smiled sincerely and wrapped his arms around Doumeki's neck. The boy giggled.

"Looks like Cinderella won't have to run from her Prince Charming."

**Dance. Dance**

**Ju-ju-ju-just Dance.**

**--**

A/N: WOW! this chapter was a lot longer then I expected...and I didn't even finish the song.... anyways, I wanted to show the other aspects of Watanuki besides his seducing clever side, you know. I also wanted to show how Watanuki distracts himself from his home life too, how he manages to get by and not be all brooding and depressed. So I hope you enjoyed it, and I updated this story twice this week which means there might not be one next weekend. Please **Review** and tell me what you think! Until next time!


	5. Dismantle Repair

A/N: Wasn't the last chapter just so sweet? I thought so too, but that enough of that, lets get back to the angst.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own xxxHolic, nor do I own the music by the fabulous band Anberlin.

**Warning**: It is rated M for a reason, but there's not really anything graphic in this chapter...

**Dismantle. Repair.**

--

**One last glance from a taxi cab,**

**Images scar my mind.**

Watanuki and Doumeki had stood in their silent embrace for quite some time, the younger enjoying the warmth around him while being guarded by the older's arms. Watanuki had never felt so at peace, so calm, so happy. Its was starting to scare him. The boy shivered.

"Cold?" Doumeki asked, only tilting his head down slightly to get a look at the small form that fit just oh so perfectly against him. Watanuki gave a small nod.

Doumeki led the boy into his house, away from the beautiful night view.

**Four weeks felt like years. **

**Since your full attention was all mine. **

"Here." Doumeki stated, handing the boy a small mug of coffee. Watanuki looked at it curiously before taking it, cradling the ceramic object in his thin hands, moving it back and forth, staring at the contents.

"What's wrong?" Doumeki asked sitting next to the boy on the abstracted leather couch, Watanuki looked back at him with a small smile. The boy sighed and looked back at his cup. "I'll probably have to go home soon."

**The night was young and so were we. **

**We talked about life, God, death, and your family. **

"You don't seem very happy about it." Doumeki said slightly confused. Home had always been a welcoming thing for him, not something he looked on reluctantly, _regretfully. _Watanuki looked at him again, his brilliant blue eyes a dark shade of sapphire.

"I'm not." He stated bluntly and the officer looked at him skeptically. The younger boy sighed not really wanting to elaborate, but feeling a small urge to convey everything to the person next to him, to _finally _be relieved of the burden he always carried alone. "I don't really...get along well with my father." Watanuki finally settled on saying. Doumeki took a sip of his drink, turning to face the boy a little more.

"What about your mother?" He asked, being cautious in prying, but having an undying need to find out more about this unusual person besides him. He saw a twinge of pain across the adolescence face, but it was gone a second later.

"My mother died seven years ago." He stated, obviously saddened by what he was saying, but putting up a damn good show of not showing it. "She committed suicide, slit her wrist in the living room." Doumeki felt unnecessary guilt fill inside of him. "I'm sorry." He said quietly staring into the black liquid in his cup. "Its okay, it was her birthday present to me anyways..." The boy elaborated, pretending every word that came out of his mouth didn't affect him at all. Doumeki looked at him warily, trying to figure out exactly what this child was going through. Watanuki just smiled at him, not wanting to have sympathy for something that happened so long ago. His mother's death was his fault, and he knew it.

"Do you know why?" The officer asked unconsciously, his years of police training kicking in at the wrong time. Watanuki looked at him, and smiled sadly again, leaning back into the couch, the arch of his foot resting of the edge of the seat, forearm resting on his knee, coffee-cup held by its rim.

"She hated me." He stated simply, and Doumeki was taken back once again, not expecting the boy to be so forth-coming and certainly not expecting such a terribly sad answer. "Why would she hate you?" He asked again mindlessly, cursing himself internally for making Watanuki have to relive such a terrible situation. Watanuki looked at him again, and shook his head, standing up and placing the untouched coffee on the table.

"Its about time I leave." He said, staring at his feet.

**Didn't want any promises, just my undivided honesty. **

**And you said.**

"Stay here." Doumeki stated, almost too firmly, lightly gripping the boy's frail wrist. Watanuki looked back at him with shocked eyes, but then looked down at his feet. "Is it okay?" Watanuki asked inaudibly, not daring to look at the wonderful golden eyes staring at him.

"I wouldn't have said so otherwise." Doumeki confirmed and Watanuki looked at him, foolish smile on his face and tears swelling in the corners of his eyes, happily wrapping his arms around Doumeki firm neck, leaving the officer to try not to spill his coffee as he hugged the adolescent back.

**Oh, oh. Things are gonna change now, for the better.**

**And oh, oh. Things are gonna change, oh, they're gonna change.**

Watanuki was finally smiling again, laughing frequently as the talked. Doumeki too found himself laughing at some funny statement the boy would say about school, or how he managed to pull one over the police again.

"So how did you manage to get into that night club tonight? You seemed close to the bouncer." Doumeki asked when they both arrived in the kitchen for refills on drinks, Watanuki happily pulling himself onto the island counter, swinging his legs back-and-forth like a small child, listening happily to Doumeki's question.

"Pure chance really." The boy started as Doumeki lifted the coffee container and poured more of the hot liquid into his yellow cup. Doumeki quirked an eyes at him. Watanuki had discovered this was Doumeki's sign to continue and smiled.

"Well you see, I happened to be at this deli where my friend Mitchel works at. Jeremy, oh, the bouncer had brought his niece Maria there for lunch, right. Real cute girl too, curly hair, missing front-teeth, real cute. Anyways, she started choking on the sandwich she was eating, and Jeremy started to get in a real panic. And before I knew what I was doing, I started to do the Hiemlick on her. Well, long story short Maria could breath again, and Jeremy was in tears, shaking my hand to the point where I thought it would fall off, and a constant wave of thank yous. I just happened to be walking down the street one night when I saw he was working the club, and so he just lets me in now as a show of gratitude." Watanuki finally finished.

Doumeki looked at him curiously. Watanuki waved his hands in front of him. "Your not going to get him in trouble are you?" He asked concernedly and Doumeki laughed. "We'll see." He stated walking out of the kitchen, Watanuki following behind.

**I am the patron saint of lost causes. **

**A fraction of who I once believed. **

Watanuki was leaning into Doumeki's chest, eyes closed, slowly breathing, as the officer lightly stroked his large hands through the adolescents charcoal hair. "Why did you become a cop?' Watanuki asked barely awake and Doumeki smiled softly at the boy laying against him.

"Because I wanted to be seduced by some unmanageable adolescent." He stated mockingly, testing to see how awake Watanuki actually was. The boy just nodded silently, accepting the obviously untrue answer. Doumeki smiled again.

It had been a while since Doumeki was so satisfied, or even smiled so much, or even let someone be so close to them. He continue to stroke through the soft hair.

**Change, it's only a matter of time.**

**Opinions I would try and rewrite.**

Doumeki looked out the large windows, observing the early stages of the morning sunrise. _Thank god its Sunday_. The officer thought, relieved that he wouldn't have to go into work, and that the small being sleeping silently against him wouldn't have to leave anytime soon.

Watanuki began to stir, eyes opening for a brief second, scanning and absorbing his surroundings before they opened completely, a brief moment of panic as the boy sat up. Doumeki moved to accompany the surprised boy's actions. Watanuki finally turned to him and smiled happily again, hugging Doumeki's neck, and the officer just stared over the boy's thin shoulder.

"Good morning." Watanuki said happily into Doumeki's ear. It had been years since he had said that to someone, or had someone to say it to. Doumeki curled his arms around the boy. "Good morning."

**If life had background music, playing your song.**

**I've got to be honest, I tried to escape you,**

**but the orchestra plays on, and they sang.**

"What are you making?" Doumeki asked, walking into the kitchen, following the smell of freshly prepared food. It had been so long since anyone had made him food, or he had actually taken the time to make some for himself.

"Breakfast." Watanuki happily respond over the stove, spatula raised in one hand, the other gripping the pan's handle. Doumeki nodded and went to pour himself more coffee. Watanuki looked at him disapprovingly. "What?" Doumeki asked.

"If you drink too much of that stuff, you're gonna get an ulcer." Watanuki stated and Doumeki looked back at his innocent full cup, then took a sip. "I think I'll survive." Doumeki retorted and Watanuki's lower lip turned into a pout. "I was just saying..." The adolescent trailed off, dishing the scrambled eggs and bacon onto plates.

**Oh, oh. Things are gonna change now, for the better. **

**And oh, oh. Things are gonna change.**

"Thanks for the food." Doumeki whispered into Watanuki's ear as he laced his arms around the boy standing in-front of the sink, tediously scrubbing dishes. Watanuki just smiled and nodded, leaning more of his weight into the officer's given support.

"Do you have to go to work today?" Watanuki asked quietly, looking down at the sink and his soap covered hands, Doumeki sighed into Watanuki's cream neck, kissing the skin there. "No." He breathed and the adolescent seemed to relax more into his chest, head tilting to the side to give Doumeki more access.

Doumeki turned the small boy around, who shyly faced him, wiping his damp hands on a towel folded on the counter. Watanuki tried to act very interested in making sure his hands were dry, deeply blushing all the while, as Doumeki slowly caressed the smooth skin behind the adolescent's ear.

**Hands, like secrets, are the hardest thing to keep from you.**

**Lines and phrases, like knives, your words can cut me through.**

Soft lips against firm created a growing tension between their two bodies and Watanuki arched into Doumeki's broad chest, trying to bring them closer together, trying to feel more of this amazing feeling coursing through his veins. Doumeki lightly gripped his jeaned hips.

Watanuki tangled a dainty hand in Doumeki's short-trimmed brown hair, gently running his fingertips along his soft scalp, releasing a soft moan as Doumeki again treated his neck, small inaudible words being whispered against the flesh there. The younger boy felt like his knees were giving out, and his mind was falling soon after.

Doumeki gently pulled the boy out of the kitchen.

**Dismantle, breakdown. Repair.**

**You dismantle me, **

**you dismantle me.**

"What should I do?" Doumeki asked seductively, hovering over the frail body laying across his bed. The younger's eyes were half-lidded, soft cloudiness clouding the boy's vision, and Doumeki could see the same phenomenon in his reflection from those soft eyes.

"I don't know." Watanuki silently responded. He trusted the man above of him unconditionally. But this wasn't a fleeting feeling, he wasn't the in control anymore. This was _real_.

But he was scared. Such intimate acts were completely horrid experiences for the adolescent, he wasn't sure how to react. It was almost engraved in his body to hide from these touches, to prepare for the pain, to know that there was no real love from it.

"Should I stop?" Doumeki asked, snapping somewhat out of his hormonally-driven stupor, becoming concerned for the figure beneath him. Watanuki looked at him, very very faint fear on his face.

"No." He replied.

**Hands, like secrets, are the hardest thing to keep from you.**

**Lines and phrases, like knives, your words can cut me through.**

"Did I hurt you? Are you okay?!" Doumeki asked sternly, quickly pulling away from the trembling boy against him. Watanuki was gripping the sleeve of his shirt, trying to call back the tears falling down his cheeks, to stop his trembling lip.

"No, no. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." The boy whimpered and Doumeki pulled him to his chest, curling Watanuki into his arms, trying to console his sobs.

"Why are you apologizing?" Doumeki started, gently stroking that dark hair he loved so much. "Its fine, I was just moving too quickly." The officer stated, tightening his grip around the still shaking teenager.

"I'm sorry." Watanuki continued, gripping the front of Doumeki's shirt, feeling so weak and pathetic. "I'm sorry."

**Dismantle, breakdown. Repair.**

**You dismantle me,**

**you dismantle me. **

"Are you okay?" Doumeki asked once Watanuki had calmed down, cheeks red and tear-stained, Doumeki's shirt slightly damp. He still stroked his fingers through the black mane.

Watanuki nodded, apologizing again quietly and Doumeki sighed, lightly kissing the boy's forehead.

"I really wanted to." Watanuki started and Doumeki stopped mid-stroke. Watanuki sat up slightly, raising himself over the lying Doumeki. "I did really. I'm just not...used to...uhm, something so sincere." The boy finished, gaze wavering from the officers, trying to hide the images that played in his mind from the loving, caring person in-front of him.

_He would think I'm dirty_. The boy thought, and that small invalid truth rang clear in his mind, and his hands curled in the dark gray comforter, eyes shutting tightly to hide the pain.

"Kimihiro?" Doumeki asked quietly at the boy's actions. Watanuki just shook his head, standing from the bed. _I'm dirty_. He kept telling himself in his mind. He didn't want to pull Doumeki down with him.

**Give me time to prove.**

**Prove I want the rest of yours.**

"I should get going." Watanuki stated walking towards the door, trying to put his usual enthusiasm into his speech, but failing. It was so hard when he knew the unthinkable events that awaited him at home, being terrified of leaving the safety surrounding Doumeki, but being scared of the one you love so much finding out what you really are, to stain them with your filth.

Watanuki heard Doumeki shift on the bed and he clenched his hands, closing his eyes again to fight away the pain tugging at his heart.

**Prelude, call this a prelude,**

**to a lifetime of you.**

Doumeki hugged the retreating boy from behind, stopping Watanuki sufficiently. "Why?" Doumeki asked quietly, tightening his grip further. "Why are you running from me?"

"I'm not-" Watanuki started, but was cut off by Doumeki's stern voice. "Yes you are. I'm sorry for scaring you, but don't run away." He stated and Watanuki turned to him, look of disbelief on his face.

"How can you think that you scared me?" Watanuki questioned a bit loudly, searching the other's golden eyes for an answer. "I'm the one who should apologize, I'm the one whose-" He stopped mid-sentence, looking down at his feet, feeling Doumeki's grip on his shoulders.

"Whose what?" Doumeki probed, voice softer, ducking his head down to try and see Watanuki's. The boy shook his head again. "Nothing. Its nothing." He breathed, not allowing Doumeki to see his expression, he would know everything if he saw.

He would see through him.

**Its not that I hang on every word. **

**I hang myself on what you repeat.**

Doumeki had called for a cab and waited with Watanuki outside for it to arrive. "Will you be okay?" Doumeki asked, a nagging feeling pooling in the bottom of his stomach. Watanuki looked at him, blue eyes clear, almost determined. Doumeki furrowed his brows at this.

The cab pulled up and Watanuki got in.

The boy rolled down the window when Doumeki tapped on the glass. The officer leaned into the space in the door-frame. "Do you have a cell-phone?" Doumeki asked, concern in his tone. Watanuki remember the one he threw away the day before. "No." He said, still being absorbed by those golden eyes.

Doumeki reached into his back pocket and pulled out his phone, handing it to the boy sitting in the car. "If anything happens, call me." He stated and Watanuki couldn't help but smile. "Thank you." The boy said in his same whispered tone. Doumeki nodded, placing one last kiss on the boy's forehead before the car pulled away, leaving the cop to watch it disappear into the horizon.

**Its not that I keep hanging on,**

**I'm never letting go.**

The cab pulled up to Watanuki's house and he sighed, handing the driver the appropriate amount and getting out, closing the door behind him.

He looked up at the house.

He had just turned thirteen when he walked through those doors, only to find his mother bleeding on the wooden floor, body sprawled and cold.

The boy's small diary was laying open on the coffee table in-front of the fireplace. He had kept all the encounters with his father in that small book, all the beatings and the raping, his fears, the things he couldn't tell anyone, the way he preserved his brittle sanity. A whole three years worth of torture revealed in those pages, and his mother couldn't handle it.

It was Watanuki's fault his mother had taken her own life. If he could have just been a little stronger, if he could have just bared it, she'd still be here, completely oblivious to the events occurring behind closed doors, but keeping his father from releasing all of his angers out on him.

If only, if only.

Watanuki slowly opened the front door, stepping into the dim living room. His father sat there in the antique arm-chair, hands folded in his lap, an eerie smile across his face.

"My beloved son, where have you been?"

"Hello father." The boy emotionlessly stated, eyes dead, feelings gone.

If only, if only.

--

A/N: ah, I didn't finish the song again...oh well, I really like how this one came out. Its really surprising me that there is so much story here, considering that this was originally a one-shot. There's more development and characterization then in my other fics that were meant to be multi-chaptered, how weird. Anyways, you guys know the drill!

Reviews make the world go round!


	6. Rock Bottom

A/N: okay so a short and very depressing chapter right here, you are being warned. but enjoy as much as you possibly can...

Disclaimer: Not mine, everything belongs to its rightful owners. (CLAMP and The Spill Canvas)

**Warning**: abuse of an adolescent, though it is not really that graphic, just a lot of self-hatred, so if that's not your thing don't read, or read and don't complain.

**Rock Bottom: **

--

**You know you've hit rock bottom when you're mumbling the words,**

**to all her favorite songs, until the neighbors hear your drunken slurs.**

Watanuki's father slowly approached him when the boy didn't move from the door. The boy's blood froze in his veins, his stomach was in his throat.

He deserved this, it was his fault.

**You know the end is creeping up when all that you can feel,**

**were the faint remnants of touching her and wishing they were real.**

The first hit was always the worst. A stead-fast blow across the face, causing his teeth to cut open the inside of his cheek.

The taste of blood filled his mouth, but he didn't dare look back at his father, opting to keep his head turned to the side from the impact.

This was his fault, he deserved this.

**You know you've hit rock bottom when you constantly refuse,**

**to take down all the photographs from the times that she was with you.**

The empty adolescent was pressed against the wall, a tight hand on his throat. His father's eyes were so dead, so cold. In the back of his mind he off-handedly wondered if the man ever tired of this, it had been happening for so long.

But he deserved this, he deserved it.

**You know the end is nigh, when you repeatedly deny,**

**that fact that she is in the earth and you never got to say goodbye.**

_"Honey, are you okay." His mother had asked him after seeing the bruises on his back. His mom had walked in on him when he was changing and the boy just blushed, searching his mind for a possible excuse._

_"Y-yea, I just...fell down the stairs, I'm fine though mom." He said finally, giving a reassuring smile towards the oblivious woman. His mother seemed to meditate on this for a bit before nodding. "Okay love, good night." She said closing the door. "Good night." He faintly whispered to the emptiness._

It was his fault, all of it was his fault.

**Marigold, withers away,**

**and this world never felt so cold.**

_"MOM!" The just-teenager screamed, shaking his mother's unmoving body, blood staining his clothing. "Don't leave me here!" He pleaded again, shaking the form vigorously. _

_He stared at his blood-stained hands and a scream erupted from his throat, and the boy curled in upon himself sobbing. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," The boy repeated, rocking himself back and forth in an attempt of comfort. _

_Everything was stained red, his world blacked out._

**My Marigold, oh its a miracle,**

**that you've kept me alive this long.**

He father stood satisfied from the ruffled bed, re-buttoning his shirt and picking up his neck-tie.

"Such a worthless child." The man stated slamming the bedroom door behind him.

Watanuki's eyes were unfocused as he stared at the wall to his left. His clothing was scattered and torn around the room. His body was aching and every breath he took was a strain, every thought in his head hurt, ever unintentional movement made him wince.

_You'd think my body would get used to it by now_, he thought. It was just so stupid that his body tried to heal itself when he knew what would happen, why couldn't he just stay broken, why couldn't things just end?

There was just so much wasted effort.

**I'm seriously contemplating chewing off my tongue.**

**To prevent from screaming out your name in these endless nights to come.**

Watanuki wasn't even aware he had fallen asleep until a small vibrating tone brought him back from his unconsciousness.

A dim light was going on and off through the pocket of his jeans near the bed and he sighed, eyes scrunching at the pain flaring in his chest. The vibrating continued.

The boy closed his eyes again. He brought this upon himself, he wasn't going to drag the one good-thing in his life down with him.

The phone stopped its vibrations.

What a wasted effort.

**Well, I'm seriously contemplating chewing off my tongue.**

**To prevent from screaming out your name in these endless nights to come.**

**--**

A/N: I know, its just so terribly depressing, but hey, that just what happens when you have an abusive father right? Poor watanuki....

Well should I make this a bit happier? We'll just see depending on **Reviews **and how I feel when I write the next chap.

You guys got two updates again this week, which means I definitely should get some reviews....


	7. Rush

A/N: What? Another chapter?! A-N-B must be insane! I know, I know, I'm just too much really....well I hope you enjoy, I didn't really want to leave you guys with such a depressing chapter for too long so I made sure to get this one done so I could get it posted. Anyways, Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing, so you won't really be able to sue me, but I'm sure there's a loop-hole somewhere. (belongs to CLAMP and Aly&Aj)

**Rush**

--

**Into your head, into your mind**

**out of your soul, race through your veins**

**You can't escape, you can't escape.**

"Neh!" Called several voices from behind him. Watanuki turned around to the kids sitting at a metal table and smiled. He walked towards them.

"What happened to you after the party?" Ted asked when Watanuki set down his bag. "We tried to call your cell, but you didn't answer." Continued Anelah, a petite Asian girl to his left who he vaguely recognized. Watanuki looked at them blankly, then gasped.

"Oh that's right, sorry about that. I lost my phone, so I have to get a new one." He said, not really willing to give out Doumeki's number.

Doumeki had called about every hour-oh-so, and Watanuki had yet to pick up. He felt apprehensive, and afraid. Every thought of Doumeki reminded him of how disgusting he was, which was unfortunate, considering almost every thought he had revolved around said cop.

Watanuki was getting tired. This had only just began and he already wanted out. He wasn't sure how much more he could take on his already full plate.

"Man that sucks." Stated Lionel who had just arrived behind Watanuki, who turned and gave the tall figure a small hello smile.

The bell for first period rang and the group began to disperse, both Ted and Lionel following Watanuki to their shared class. The smallest of the three teenagers began to feel slightly light headed, his vision swimming the tiniest amount as they walked up the stairs to the science building. The boy tripped on the last step, stumbling forward.

Ted caught him in one arm and Watanuki grabbed the side of his head with a hand. "Are you okay?" Ted asked once Watanuki had composed himself. The boy nodded. "Yeah, just a little tired I guess." Watanuki continued, smiling at his concerned friends. They both looked at him for a moment before continuing their trek to class.

**Into your life, into your dreams,**

**Out of the dark, sunlight again.**

**You can't explain, you can't explain.**

Watanuki had somehow managed to make it through the long day, slowly counting down the minutes before he would have to go home to face his father again. He sighed at the thought.

The boy began to walk through the school parking lot, taking the longest route home, when he noticed a tall figure standing next to a small compact. His heart nearly skipped a beat. The figure seemed to notice him too, and placed its hands disapprovingly on their waist. Watanuki didn't have enough time to finish his internal debate of whether to escape quickly or to approach when the other being called out to him.

"Oi!" Doumeki called, and Watanuki felt sadness fill his stomach.

He can't keep involving Doumeki in his tragic life, he didn't want him to get hurt.

This wasn't a game anymore.

He would have to end it soon.

**Can You feel it, can you feel it?**

**Rushin' through your hair,**

**--**

**Rushin' through your head.**

**Can you feel it, can you feel it?**

"Kimihiro Watanuki, age 17, graduated top of his junior-high class. Currently living with his step-father in a small residential condominium. Any information about his paternal father is disclosed to public access, which I find extremely interesting." Doumeki finally finished after flipping closed the small memo-pad and putting it into his back pocket.

"Someone's been doing their research." Watanuki stated coldly, leaning onto the frame of Doumeki's car in fear that he wouldn't be able to hold himself in one spot for too long. "You could've just asked me." The boy concluded, somewhat irritated at this invasion of privacy.

"I was worried since you didn't pick up the phone. What's this about your step-father? I thought you were living with your dad." The officer stated in excuse for his obviously out-of-call actions. Watanuki sighed.

"My father disappeared when my mother was pregnant with me, no one knows what happened to him. My step-father's always been there, its habit to think of him as my actual father." The boy said disconnectedly. Whenever family matters were brought up, it was instinctive to withdraw himself from it, easier to handle if it wasn't looked at personally.

Doumeki seemed to meditate on this, his brow knitting together for the smallest of bits. "Something just doesn't sound right to me." The officer mumbled, and Watanuki had an oddly defensive feeling fill him. He would keep Doumeki from this, he would protect him.

"What do you want?" He finally asked.

"Nothing, I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Doumeki stated evenly and Watanuki looked at him for a brief moment. "Oh, well thanks I guess." Watanuki said timidly before turning to walk away, but was stopped when Doumeki grabbed his wrist. The boy winced from the pain that shot up his arm.

**Don't let nobody tell you, your life is over,**

**--**

**Be every color that you are,**

Doumeki quickly released the hand, surprised that he had hurt the smaller boy. "Are you okay?" He quickly asked. Watanuki still had his back to him, eyes clenched tight. "Yeah, I'm fine." The boy breathed.

Watanuki straightened himself out, taking a few steps away. "We're going to make another disturbance on Saturday." The adolescent stated, still faced away. Doumeki looked at him questioningly, though Watanuki couldn't see it. "Make sure to meet me there, at the first place we met." The boy finished, turning his head to give an energetic smile to the cop before running down the street.

He would end this now, before Doumeki tried to get any deeper.

**Into the rush now,**

**You don't have to know how,**

Everyone was rejoicing at the news of another rave, happily agreeing to spread the word, bring supplies, what have them. Watanuki smiled, more enthusiastic then the day previous. His bruises had finished forming, and only throbbed occasionally, he was almost back to normal.

"But this is the first time we're going to the same place..." An unidentified underclassman pondered aloud and they all seemed to nod at this, looking at Watanuki for an answer. The ring-leader always had a back-up for his small slip-up. "Lets just say we'll be getting a _special_ shipment." The boy stated cryptically, but everyone got the underlying message.

_Drugs, Movement, Strobe, and Music. _That's what they lived by, no matter the proportions it came in.

**Know it all before you try.**

**--**

**Pulling you in, spinning you 'round,**

**Lifting your feet right off the ground,**

It had been five days since Doumeki had last seen Watanuki, and he couldn't get that him out of his head. _How could I have hurt him? _He asked himself, still replaying the small gasp of pain he had heard. _I barely touched him. Somethings not right._

A knock came from the door. "Doumeki-san?'" His partner asked as he entered through the door. Doumeki nodded at him and the man entered.

"We just got the tip-off." He stated somewhat hesitantly. Doumeki looked at him unfazed and then nodded when the man said nothing more. "Oh, well, we're leaving in five." The man finished. Doumeki's look became questioningly.

"That's a first, but I get off in an hour." He stated bluntly and the other man smiled. "Yeah, Chief really wants to catch them this time, I just thought since you're looking up that kid that you would still be there." The smaller officer commented and then turned to leave.

"Oh, and I found some interesting data on him if you're interested." His partner added before closing the door.

**You can't believe it's happening now.**

**--**

**Can You feel it, can you feel it?**

**Rushin' through your hair,**

It had been awhile since Watanuki was so aware of his surroundings. For once not being the first to be under the influence, for once not being the center of the crowd.

The teenager was incredibly grateful for his father's business trip that kept him at bay for the past four days, grateful that his bruises had healed to a dull discoloring before he would see Doumeki for the last time.

He hung around the walls, watching everyones movements, feeling the base vibrations, regulating everyone's intake.

It was completely coincidental that he was even able to get his hands on such pure substance, considering this was entirely off the fly, a selfish whim for him to see Doumeki. It was probably the first time he had ever been truly happy about his connections in the underground.

_Drugs, Movement, Strobe, Music. _

It just wasn't as exciting as it used to be.

**Rushin' through your head.**

**Can you feel it, can you feel it?**

Watanuki felt the vibration in his back pocket, and his breath hitched. He didn't realize how tense he had been until the phone had relieved him of it.

He answered. "Hello?"

The voice on the other-end brought a smile to his lips. "I'm here." Doumeki stated. "Okay, I'll be right there." The teenager finished, snapping the phone shut and turning to see Ted staring at him curiously.

"Whose that?" The taller boy asked defensively. Watanuki tilted his head curiously. "Jealous?" Watanuki retorted and the other just turned slightly red in the checks. Watanuki covered a small giggle.

"Will you be able to get everyone out here?" Watanuki asked the still embarrassed boy, whose face turned to one of disbelief. "What? What do you mean?" He stammered, Watanuki gripped his stomach. "I don't feel very well, I think I'm gonna take off." He said quietly and Ted leaned in closer to get a better look at Watanuki's face. Once thoroughly convinced the toned adolescent nodded, patting Watanuki on the back. "Sure thing, just take care of yourself okay?" He returned, concern clear in his voice. Watanuki gave him a small smile before walking towards the back doors.

**Don't let nobody tell you, your life is over,**

**Be every color that you are,**

**--**

**Into the rush now,**

**You don't have to know how,**

**Know it all before you try.**

_"What information did you find?" Doumeki had asked his partner as the smaller man fastened his seat-belt. The man's face turned into a frown. _

_"Some old hospital records." The other started as the car pulled onto a vacant street, breaking the speed limit in seconds. "From when he was fourteen." The man stopped, clearly hesitant about the information he was about to reveal. "He attempted suicide by over-docing on sleeping pills." The officer stated silently, and Doumeki felt his pulse stop for the most minimal of seconds. _

Somethings just not right. Doumeki kept telling himself as he waited in the cool night air of the back ally. Why was Watanuki avoiding him after being so insistent on seeing him? Doumeki couldn't figure it out. Maybe he was putting too much pressure on the adolescent. Maybe the teenager was over him. Maybe there was something else.

No, he knew what was happening, but he's just trying to find another solution, see if there's some other variable that would switch this entirely depressing equation around.

He heard rushed footsteps approach him and he turned to face the sound. Doumeki was tackled by a light-weight Watanuki who was embracing him tightly. A smile unconsciously spread across the officer's face.

How much had this kid gone through? How much has he had to suffer?

"Took you long enough." Doumeki stated boredly hugging the younger back. Watanuki pouted at him, causing Doumeki to have the most uncontrollable desire to just protect the person in-front of him, to never let him go.

"I just got off my shift." Doumeki stated, pulling Watanuki in the general direction of his car.

**It takes you to another place,**

**imagine everything you can.**

**--**

**All the colors start to blend,**

**Your system overloads again.**

Doumeki took his keys out of the ignition when they had arrived in the parking structure filled with vacant cars. They hadn't said anything the entire drive to his house. Doumeki spared a glance at the uncharacteristically quiet adolescent.

"What's wrong?" He asked, looking over at the petite boy besides him, placing an elbow on the shoulder of his seat. Watanuki continued to stare at his lap, smiling slightly while shaking his head. "Nothing, just thinking." He stated, turning to meet Doumeki's gaze, a content smile on his face. "Thinking of what?" The officer asked again.

The boy laced his hands behind his head, leaning into the leather seat. "About how strange this all is, how much has changed in such a small amount of time...how things will end." The boy said closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Doumeki continued to stare at him. _What did that mean exactly? _Doumeki wondered, brief anxiety filling him.

His hand reached out and cupped the side of the boy's cheek, causing those sapphire eyes to fly open. Watanuki looked at him, a comforted smile on his face. The boy lightly held the hand, pulling it to his lips, placing a heated his on the palm.

Watanuki would be the death of him, that was one thing he knew for sure.

**Can you feel it?**

**--**

**Don't let nobody tell you, your life is over,**

**Be every color that you are.**

Watanuki felt Doumeki slowly lean towards him, gently pulling away the hand he was caressing. The adolescent leaned into the lips presented to him, breathing into the kiss.

The kiss had just begun and the boy's head was already swimming. Doumeki added more pressure onto his lips.

Desperation. Watanuki was desperate for this feeling. This is what he was craving for so long. A pure, unadulterated, _true _sense of love, and Doumeki would be the only person to give it to him.

The boy felt a warm hand on the side of his face, gently embracing the skin there as Doumeki delved his tongue into the younger boy's mouth. Watanuki couldn't help but moan.

This is how it would end.

Doumeki reluctantly pulled away, staring deeply into the younger's eyes. "Come on, lets go." He said, trying to sift out the underlying lust in his voice. A sensual smiled came across Watanuki's features as he hopped out of the car along with Doumeki.

This would be the end, Watanuki would make sure of it.

**Into the rush now, you don't have to know how.**

**Know it all before you try.**

**--**

A/N: Holy crap am I kicking out these chapters or what?? Well, anyways, I hope you all don't hate me too much for the last chapter. But now we're slowly approaching our climax! Next chapter will be a lemon, you all deserve that much right? Anyways, please **review** and let me know what you think...

Until next time!


	8. I Caught Myself

A/N: Well, its not a very graphic lemon...compared to my usual, but its okay all the same i think....this is pretty much the climax (haha, no pun intended) of the story so Enjoy!

**Warning**: Boy on boy, don't like don't read. (oh and a very brief WatanukixStep-dad, but like only a line...i did it for dramatic affect.)

Disclaimer: I own nothing, it all belongs to its rightful owners. (CLAMP and Paramore.)

**I Caught Myself:**

--

**Down to you**

The wall firmly supported Watanuki's back as Doumeki proceeded in assaulting his neck, layering heated kisses after several lingered licks.

A warm hand ran up Watanuki's stomach and his muscles contracted at the sensation, back arching ever so slightly to the touch, breathing becoming all the more difficult.

**You're pushing and pulling me down to you**

**But I don't know what I**

"What do you want?" Doumeki huskily breathed into his skin and Watanuki barely let out a small moan from the vibrations.

"More. I want more." He said, voice incredibly seductive as he gripped the back of Doumeki's head, raising himself an inch higher then the other out of tension, his back pressing even more so against the wall.

**Now when I caught myself**

**I had to stop myself**

Watanuki's tongue was left tingling from the stimulation as Doumeki broke their passionate kiss which led them to the bed. The sheets were soft and created overly-exaggerated friction on the adolescent's sensitized skin. Doumeki slowly raised the boy's fitting shirt over his head, revealing radiant cream skin. He couldn't help but stare, slowly gazing over the boy's perfectly proportioned chest, down to his toned stomach where the skin majestically rose and spread over the muscle underneath.

A small patch of purplish-pink on the adolescent's hip did bring him from his silent observations, however.

"What happened?" The officer asked quietly, softly tracing the abused skin and Watanuki's eyes seemed to clear from their lust-filled state.

**From saying something that,**

**I should have never thought.**

The boy's face filled with brief sadness, but then changed to being neutral. Watanuki lightly cupped Doumeki's cheek, tracing his slight lips with a slender index finger. "Nothing really." The boy said, his seductive tone erring on '_it doesn't concern you, let it be.' _ The boy leaned off the bed towards Doumeki to bring him down for another kiss when he was pushed back with a firm hand on his bare shoulder.

"What's happening to you?" He asked, concern evident in his golden eyes. Watanuki sighed, pain swelling in his stomach, he traced Doumeki's chin with his hand. "Please, just-" The boy pleaded and what only could be interpreted as betrayal spread briefly across Doumeki's features. He turned his gaze away from Watanuki's. "Why won't you let me in?" He practically yelled, cutting off what Watanuki was saying to dissuade him. The boy's eye's closed, trying to hold back the impending tears.

"Because, I love you!" Watanuki argued, voice breaking from the tears. "I don't want you to get hurt." His hands started to shake and he draped his forearm over his eye's so Doumeki wouldn't see how pathetic he was. "Please....I love you so much." He said silently, finally letting the tears fall down his cheeks, hic-ing quietly, trying to calm himself.

Watanuki was trying to protect him_, _Doumeki thought, guilt filling him. This obviously abused and abandon child was trying to protect _him_.

"I'm sorry." Doumeki lightly breathed, layering small caresses over the faded bruise.

**Now when I caught myself,**

**I had to stop myself.**

**--**

**From saying something that,**

**I should have never thought.**

"Ah, wait, Dou-" The officer shot a glance towards Watanuki from between his legs, reminding him of the error he had just made. "Shizuka...stop, I'm going to-" The withering boy pleaded as Doumeki's mouth proceeded in engulfing him completely.

The officer's speed increased, fully lathering Watanuki's sex from base to tip, sweet-bitterness coating his pallet.

"Engh, I can't...stop." The boy panted and Doumeki's mouth lingered above the tip briefly. "Its okay, let go." He sensually breathed, and Watanuki shook his head. "No, I want you." He commanded, though his words were airy from the strain. The boy sat up, placing his hands and Doumeki's now-stripped chest, pushing him against the pillows.

**Of you, of you.**

**You're pushing and pulling me down,**

**To you.**

Watanuki was straddling Doumeki's torso, Doumeki's back was against the head-board. Their lips melded together and Doumeki could taste his lingering seed on Watanuki's tongue.

The boy attacked his neck, firmly gripping his shoulders, gnawing on the flesh he found. It hurt, the skin was becoming raw, but compared to the pain the adolescent had probably been through, it was nothing.

Doumeki had discovered more than one practically healed blemish on Watanuki's frail frame, his legs and lower back having the most. His touches became more gentle, lightly griping the skin, giving him the up-most care that he deserved.

Watanuki gripped the hand at his waist. "Stop it." He ordered somewhat angrily. Doumeki looked at him curiously. "What?"

"I'm not going to break." He said calmly, squeezing his hand around Doumeki's, forcing the other to add more pressure onto his skin.

**But I don't know what I want.**

**No I don't know what want.**

"Ah-harder," The boy mewled as the three fingers penetrated the small ring of muscle. Watanuki's hair was in less-organized disarray, face red from their activities, his skin was soft, almost perfectly smooth, lips just to the right amount of full-ness. His voice was intoxicating.

He was beautiful, how could anyone be so low as to hurt something so beautiful?

"Are you sure?" Doumeki breathed, leaning over the boy's back to whisper in his ear. The over-stimulated adolescent shook his head.

**Ya got it, ya got it.**

**Some kind of magic.**

**-- **

**Hypnotic, hypnotic.**

**You're leaving me breathless.**

Doumeki slowly entered the willing body underneath him, holding on to ever grip of sanity not to plunge himself into the person beneath him.

Both men were panting heavily, trying to hold on, make this moment last forever.

Watanuki finally adjusted to the feeling, moving his hips to urge the other to continue. Doumeki quickly responded, rocking his hips into the other's.

**I hate this, I hate this!**

**You're not the one I believe in.**

This just felt so good. So right. It was completely obvious.

But it hurt, worse then the beatings, worse then anything his father could ever do it him. Having to love Doumeki, but not allowing himself to let him in.

What was he doing? What was he playing at?

He loved him. Loved him so much.

Why does it hurt?

**With God as my witness.**

The movements were fast paced, completely forgetting all restraints. Watanuki tightly clung to Doumeki's toned back as the other continued to thrust deeply into him again and again, both just barely hanging on the edge.

Watanuki felt an overwhelming warmness in the pit of his stomach and moaned at the thought of release. Doumeki continued his carnal pursuit.

**Now when I caught myself,**

**I had to stop myself.**

**--**

**From saying something that,**

**I should have never thought.**

Watanuki had slowly drifted off into sleep against Doumeki's chest, and the older male proceeded in lightly stroking his hair as he did practically a week previous.

There was something off, and Doumeki knew it. The entire time while they made love -amazing as it was- there was something tugging at the back of his mind, screaming, "He's going to do something. Stop him, make sure he's safe."

But what could he do? What was this kid planning? Why did it affect him so much?

_"Because, I love you." _The boy had yelled at him.

Ah. He was in love with him. Its love.

Doumeki quickly fell asleep.

**Now when I caught myself,**

**I had to stop myself.**

**--**

**From saying something that,**

**I should have never thought.**

Watanuki silently opened his eyes, slowly absorbing his surroundings. His head was against Doumeki's warm chest, which gradually rose and fell with the officer's rhythmic breathing. The boy sadly smiled.

This was it.

He gently picked himself from the bad, gently laying down the arm that was so securely wrapped around him, making sure not to wake the handsome person he was so desperately in love with.

He wouldn't have to hurt him anymore. This was the right thing to do.

He quietly gathered his belongings, stealthily putting them on before he walked out the front door.

**Of you, of you.**

**you're pushing and pulling me down,**

**To you. **

As soon as Watanuki began to walk down the street from Doumeki's his demeanor had fallen. He felt empty knowing that he was leaving something so important behind.

He was empty again.

The adolescence's eyes became void, a dark dark shade of blue as he blankly stared at the concrete moving beneath him.

His movements stopped when he realized he was at his house already. He eyed the parked car in the drive-way, lifelessly looking at the windows, regretting everything that was happening, but knowing there was nothing he could do.

Why couldn't it just end?

He walked through the door, hands in his pockets, absent-mindedly tracing over the frame of the phone Doumeki had given him. He sighed.

Watanuki was tired, so very tired.

**But I don't know what I want.**

**No, I don't know what I want.**

"What in the hell do you mean they're looking into it?!" Came his father's angered voice from the kitchen. Apparently he was on the phone. Watanuki couldn't bring himself to really care, or to fear his father in such an angry state.

He stayed where he stood. He didn't care anymore, nothing mattered.

"Dammit, this case has been closed for years, why would they take it back off the self?! Well figure it out you bastard, make sure they don't find the remains!" He commanded and his last words finally peeked some interest out of the boy. _Remains of what?_

**Don't know what I want,**

**But I know its not you.**

His father slammed down the phone, and movement could be heard coming in his general direction. He didn't have enough time to move.

His father took in his step-son in surprise, his face then turning from shock to pure rage. "You ratted me out didn't you, you little shit!" His father yelled, quickly stepping towards the boy and taking a fist full of the smooth black hair. Watanuki's features were void of all emotion, and he really didn't even see his father's angered face in-front of him.

Watanuki's face was slammed against the wall, hair still held in the firm grasp, his father's other hand at the back of his neck, gripping it tightly.

And then the beating started.

**Keep pushing and pulling me down.**

**But I know in my heart its not you.**

Blood dripped from the boy's chin, and his head hung, eyes unseeing as he was pinned against the wall. The older male lifted his chin, observing his features. He laughed condescendingly.

"You look just like your father." He whispered into the boy's ear and suddenly something inside of Watanuki was brought back to consciousness. The other felt the tense in muscle and chuckled against the boy's neck.

"Right before I killed him." He finished and Watanuki's eyes widened, stomach dropping completely out of him. _What had he just said. _

His head was slammed against the wall again.

**Now when I caught myself**

**I had to stop myself**

**From saying something that I should've never thought**

Watanuki lay somewhat limply on the floor after his father had left, walking out the door jacket hooked on one finger over his shoulder. The boy kept replaying the terrible truths that had just been revealed to him through his step-father's mockery.

_"Your mother was mine long before he came into the picture." The man panted, after a deep thrust into the body against the wall. "Then he had the gull to take her from me." _

_"She came to me, the night she found out she was pregnant, saying I was the first she wanted to know, wanting to make me your God-father. That bastard touched her." Continued his panting voice. Watanuki couldn't help but listen, terror filling him. _

_He was going to die, and this man was going to kill him._

_"I called him out after work and the oblivious ass followed. I killed him, I beat the shit out of him with my bare hands." He finished, hand around Watanuki's thin neck tightening to its fullest extent. _

_This was it, it would finally end. _

_The man stopped and pulled out, leaving the boy frail and motionless as he fell to the floor. "I'll deal with you later." He finished, walking out the door. _

**Now when I caught myself**

**I had to stop myself**

**From saying something that I should've never thought of you!**

The boy finally came around, eyes clearing. He screamed curling in upon himself.

_Why? Why was this happening? _He yelled inside his head repeatedly. What had he ever done? What did he do to deserve this?

_Make it stop, why can't it end? _ He chanted internally, gripping the sides of his head, rocking back and forth to try and stop the tears. His rocking stopped, thoughts of his mother's death trailing through his mind.

His eye's became dead again.

**I knew, I know in my heart it's not you**

**I know, but now I know what I want! I want! I want!**

He walked towards the kitchen, going for the drawer next to the sink. He pulled out his phone and gripped it tightly as he pulled out a steak knife with the other hand. He exposed his left wrist, left hand holding telephone, right tightly gripping the knife's wooden handle.

_Save me dammit, stop me. _He pleaded internally towards the phone, praying that somehow it would start ringing, praying that Doumeki would save him.

But he couldn't, Watanuki didn't want to bring him into this.

He was going to end this, it was all his fault.

The boy took in a deep breath, bringing the knife's sharpened edge to his skin.

He quickly delivered the deep slash. His eyes opened in shock at the pain that shot through his entire body and the phone fell from his hand as blood oozed towards his fingers, bouncing on the linoleum towards his feet.

_It hurts, it hurts. _He kept saying as the blood kept pooling, cascading down his arm. The red liquid was every, just as it had been with his mother. _Mom. _

Everything started to darken, blur. _This is it, this is it. _

Briefly outlined thoughts of his few days spent with Doumeki slipped from his mind and he smiled, pain from his arm finally disappearing.

_I love him so much. Why didn't he save me? _He thought as the knife finally slipped from his right hand, falling towards the floor the same way Watanuki did as he finally blacked out against the tile.

The knife's edge collided with the phone on the ground, pushing the green connect button and calling the number Doumeki had programmed into it the night before.

**Oh no! I should've never thought!**

**--**

A/N: huhhhhh, oh no what's going to happen? Well you're just going to have to see. I know i'm terrible...

anyways, please REVIEW and let me know what you thought.

Until next time!


	9. Collide

A/N: So did you guys miss me?? I hope you all had a wonderful X-mas or whatever it is you celebrate, and as a belated gift to you I give you the next chapter.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, it either belongs to CLAMP or Howie Day.

**Collide:**

--

**The dawn is breaking.**

**A light shinning through.**

Doumeki was running down the street, eyes darting from side to side, scanning his surroundings.

He had woken up to an empty apartment, worry flooding him when his arms went to tighten around a body that was missing.

The dark grey sheets still barely held the adolescents body heat, and Doumeki quickly jumped out of bed. _He couldn't have gotten that far. _

He quickly dressed, flipping open the new phone the officer had purchased the day after he had handed his to Watanuki, strapping the police radio to his side.

He was going to need it, he just knew.

He was going to follow his intuition this time.

**You're barely waking,**

**and I'm tangled up in you.**

_"I need his address." Doumeki demanded as soon as his partner had picked up the phone. The man stammered. _

_"I can't just get that kind of informatio-"_

_"This is important, a street name, anything!" He angrily interrupted. He didn't have time for this, who knew what that kid would do or could have done already. _

He knew something was going to happen, why didn't he listen?

**I'm open, you're closed.**

**Where I follow you'll go.**

Doumeki's partner managed to get the street the boy lived on, but anything else was beyond his capabilities. Doumeki quickly hung up the phone, grabbing a cab parked at the corner.

His phone started to ring when he was a block away from Doumeki's still uncertain destination, and his hands felt unusually clammy, throat rather dry as he answered.

"Hello?" He asked.

There was no answer on the other end. "Hello?" He asked again.

He looked at the phone's display screen, eyes widening when he realized the number was his old one. He panicked.

"Watanuki! Hello! Say something!" He demanded, sitting forward in his seat. "Dammit." he yelled to himself as he shut the phone. The cabby looked at the aggravated man from the rear-view mirror.

"Is that Kimihiro?" The middle-aged man asked and Doumeki's burning golden eyes darted to him. "Why?" Doumeki quickly retorted, wanting to go back to his deep thoughts on how exactly he would find this kid.

"Is he okay?" The man asked with evident concern in his voice, Doumeki studied him with lessened irritation. _Maybe he knows something. _

"I hope so, I need to check. Do you know where he lives?" Doumeki asked, trying to seem civil, but his stomach tightening in anticipation. The man nodded.

"Yeah, I'll take you there right away." He supplied as he stepped on the gas.

**I worry I won't see you face,**

**--**

**light up again.**

Everything in Watanuki's dimmed perspective was vacant. The searing pain shooting through him was now a dull throb as he lay against the cool ground. He felt a stickiness around him and he barely registered that it was his own blood.

_I'm so happy that I met him. _He thought blankly, not really realizing that these were his thoughts. That he was actually someone.

Something made in a noise somewhere in the distance.

The throbbing continued.

The back of his eye-lids had a blue-ish hue to them, his body felt almost weightless, besides the dull pain that made his wrist heavy.

Another noise, more rushed then the first.

**Even the best fall down sometimes.**

**Even the wrong words seem to rhyme.**

**Out of the doubt that fills my mind.**

**Somehow find, you and I...collide.**

Yelling? Screaming? Panic? What was happening?

He felt so far away, just hanging, barely grasping that he was still barely alive...waiting for something, _someone. _

_"Kimihiro!! Hold on Dammit! Kimihiro!" _Came a tunneled voice.

He even gets to hear Doumeki's voice? This really is great.

**I'm quiet you know.**

**--**

**You make a first impression.**

The moment he saw the horrifying scene in-front of him, Doumeki was on the communicator strapped to his hip, "We've got a 10-45c 10-56A, 10-43."

Doumeki pulled off his shirt, ripping off a long piece of the fabric, kneeling besides the limp boy sitting in a pool of blood. He listened to the static coming from the radio waiting for the response. "10-4." Came the quick replay.

The officer wrapped the tourniquet below the fatal wound on the child's frail wrist, cutting off the circulation in hopes that he could stop the bleeding.

How could he have let this happen? Desperation filled him. He gently stroked the boy's red-stained cheek.

Dammit! What had he done? He should have known this would happen, he should've stopped him.

"Kimihiro!! Hold on Dammit! Kimihiro!" He yelled.

He never got to tell him he loved him.

**I find I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind.**

**--**

**Even the best fall down sometimes.**

He was just drifting now, his surroundings undefined, a thin smog covering the endless blackness.

Doumeki's voice had faded a while ago.

_This is just awful, _Watanuki thought, briefly observing his surroundings. _What the hell was I thinking? _

He felt something approach him from behind.

"Is that you?" Came a soft iridescent voice. The boy turned to see two beings standing side by side. An uncontrollable smile spread across his face. "Mom!" He yelled approaching the two translucent people.

"No." The woman said gravely, putting a thin hand to her mouth. "No, love, you shouldn't be here." She continued, a look of unshed tears breaching her eyes. The man next to her wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders.

It was his father, from what he could vaguely recall from pictures his mother had shown him when he was younger.

**Even the stars refuse to shine.**

His mother started to cry, leaning into her deceased husbands chest. _What did I do to make her so upset?_

"I'm sorry, so sorry. I should have stayed. I should have protected you from this." She balled, his father tightly wrapping his arms around her shoulders. Watanuki took a step towards them, but the distance didn't seem to lessen.

His mother pulled away from her husband, and gradually made her way towards her son, who collapsed to his knees from the strain of waiting. The deceased woman lightly grabbed her son's split wrist, surveying it gravely. His large blue eyes connected with hers, the irises embedded with a silent plea.

"Why did you leave me?" He whispered, tears pooling in his eyes. "I told myself, that I wasn't angry at you. That I was angry at myself, because in someway or another I did this to you, but...." He spoke, voice shuddering from the momentum of the tears. He could hear his father approach the two of them. "But I am angry. You _did _leave me, and I've been so terribly lonely, and in pain, and no one protected me."

"I was in so much pain. Why did you leave me?" He started to yell weakly, leaning into his mother's arms, wanting to be held so desperately.

His father kneeled between them hugging his son close. Watanuki's eyes widened, and then softened as he relaxed into the embrace.

"Listen." He whispered into his son's ear hurriedly. "You need to go down to the east end of the river bank across town. Dig thirteen feet into the earth there. You must do this, no matter what." The man pleaded and Watanuki barely nodded, so enraptured in his father's voice, so incredibly moved that this was _his _father who was holding him.

"We love you and we're always with you." He finally whispered and Watanuki could feel his weight slipping forward as his father began to dissipate. Blue eyes grew worried with sadness. "Don't leave me again." He pleaded, trying to grab hold of the almost completely gone figures. "Please take me with you."

"No, there are people who still need you. Live, please live." His mother said encouragingly before both were completely gone, leaving the boy in blinding white light.

"Wake up."

**Out of the back you fall in time.**

**--**

**Somehow find, you and I...collide.**

The ambulance had arrived almost immediately, much to Doumeki's relief.

Watanuki was taken directly to intensive care, so the doctors could see how much could be salvaged, how much they could fix, leaving Doumeki to wait, pacing in the sterile hallway.

_Live, please be alright. _Doumeki willed towards the room where Watanuki was being taken care of. Willing the boy to stay with him. Anger began to fill the officer again.

He heard innumerable rushed footsteps coming down the hallway and turned. HIs eyes widened when he took in the enormous crowd of panic-striken teenagers, all who stopped in-front of the large white swinging doors of the emergency room.

One boy in particular turned to him from the front of the group of twenty or so adolescents, walking over to Doumeki. "How is he?" The male asked, his chiseled chin became taught from aggravation.

"And you are?" Doumeki asked skeptically, though it was obvious that he was one of Watanuki's peers, just trying to distracted himself from his worry. "Ah, sorry." The boy fumbled, trying to be patient, but failing.

"I'm Theodore, one of Kimihiro's friends. My father owns this hospital and I happened to be here when they brought him in. What's his condition?" The boy quickly meshed together, trying to get an answer out of the stoic cop as soon as possible.

"I don't know. They've been in there for a few hours." Doumeki said gravely and the other boy's face fell. "God, this is terrible." The boy whispered.

Several concerned girls came and stood next to Ted, looking at him intently. "Will he be okay?" "What happened?" They asked and Ted looked at them.

"We'll see." He said silently and they all embraced each other tightly, eye's clenched shut to prevent the tears that were impending.

All the teenager's moved, leaning against the wall in-front of the door, eye's locked on the object, they're hands linked and turned upwards, elbows bent. Doumeki looked at the children, sadness pooling through his veins.

_See, they all need you. They all love you._

**Don't stop here.**

**I lost my place.**

**I'm close behind.**

Many of the girls who were waiting in the line had started crying a good hour ago, and still they stayed in their linked line, waiting to see the verdict of their injured friend.

Four hours Doumeki had been waiting and still the light was on above the door, indicating that the surgery was still in process. _Dammit. _

The light turned off, everyone sucked in a breath, tensing, a bundle of nerves.

The doctor stepped out, eyes to the ground and fatigue evident on his as he removed his plastic gloves. Still no one breathed. He looked up, slightly shocked at the audience that had assembled.

He sighed, walking over to the person he knew had brought the mangled child here. Doumeki's face became completely steeled, trying to calm his rapid heart, to stop the scenarios that were playing in his head.

_Oh God please...._

"We managed..." The doctor started, becoming slightly uncomfortable as the group of tense adolescents began to crowd around him. "...to reconnect the nerves in his wrist...however, we had to perform a blood transfusion due to the amount he had lost." The man seemed to smile somewhat happily to himself.

"Its a completely miracle actually, that we had compatible blood on hand. We had just received it a good fifteen minutes before he was brought in." All of the teenager's still linked hands seemed to tighten, still waiting for any form of confirmation.

"But the surgery did go well...and we think that with some physical therapy he may be able to use his hand again." He finally said, looking confident, as the composed officer collapsed against the wall with relief, sliding down it into a seated position, his forehead in his hands.

"Thank you." Doumeki breathed and the doctor nodded happily, eyeing each of the teenagers faces which were scrunched in impending jubilation.

"He's ALIVE!" Everyone yelled happily, jumping into the air, hand-in-hand.

**Even the best fall down sometimes.**

**Even the wrong words seem to rhyme.**

**Out of the doubt that fills your mind,**

**You'll finally find, you and I...collide.**

**--**

Police Codes: **10-45c**: Critical (condition)

**10-56A**: Suicide

**10-43**: Need an ambulance (asap-well, obviously)

**10-4**: Roger

A/N: Soooo, what did ya think...i do hope you liked it, and what a better way to tell me then to REVIEW (it is the season of giving isn't it?) Anyways, happy holidays, and a Happy New Year if I don't post by then.

Until Next Time!


	10. Holding On

A/N: Yeah, my first post of the new year! I'm so excited. Sorry this chapters a few days late, I was pretty busy this weekend. So! Please Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing besides the plot and the OC's, other then that it belongs to CLAMP. The song belongs to the magnificent band Scary Kids Scaring Kids.

**Holding On:**

--

**There goes the sun.**

"He's alive! He's alive" Everyone cheered, and Doumeki could barely lift his head from the relief, back still pressed against the wall.

The teenagers jumped eagerly, wet tears smeared on all of their faces, huge unwavering grins across their young features.

The doctor continued to observe their antics, but then his face turned grave, he directed his voice to the cop. "Could I speak to you privately?" The man asked quietly, trying not to draw attention from the jubilating adolescents.

Doumeki looked at him and nodded weakly, still not his normally composed self. He begrudgingly stood and followed the doctor as they walked down the hall.

**Just trying to find your way anywhere,**

**But you've come to find you're alone.**

They turned a corner and stopped at the beginning of the long white corridor, the doctor turned to him staring at his feet.

"That boy has been severely beaten, do you know anything about this?" The doctor said sternly, looking dead-center into Doumeki's fogged eyes.

Of course he had known what was happening to Watanuki, but actually hearing it from a source other then his head sent pain racking through his body. The two men didn't notice the person who approached them.

"Its his father." Came the saddened voice from behind them and both men turned somewhat surprised. The doctor looked at the boy he vaguely recognized from the teenager's usual visits to see his father, and his boss.

Ted looked at them with a mixture of confusion and guilt, his green eyes became somewhat glazed. "For... a long time..." He continued, his voice cracking and the two men continued to look at him. The doctor nodded in understanding, these cases did happen sadly. He looked back at the still somewhat shocked cop.

God it all made sense. Watanuki's reluctance to go home, why Watanuki's wrist was so sore that one time, the marks and bruises, the tell-tale signs. Dammit, dammit. Why did he turn a blind eye?

"We'll contact social services." The doctor interjected and Doumeki looked at him, then nodded.

**Its getting dark and you've lost your way,**

**I haven't let you go as long as you know that.**

The doctor began to walk away, but Doumeki stopped him. "When will he wake up?" He asked, voice still shaken with raw emotions. The shorter man looked at him.

"The anesthesia should ware off in a few hours, the rest depends on him." He said, with a small smile on his face and then walked away again.

Doumeki was left standing with Ted, who was still trying to hold back tears when finally the boy broke, punching the hard wall next to him. "Shit!" He yelled, voice cracking again. The teenager brought the extended arm to cover over his eyes and he started crying.

"I've known, for such a long time." He cried, and Doumeki continued to watch him, all-consuming guilt flooding him. "I thought....I thought he would tell me, when he was ready...I thought he would be strong enough to walk away.....Dammit!" He rambled leaning against the wall, shoving his hands in his pockets, staring at the ground.

Doumeki felt so weak. For the first time he felt weak and defeated. He could have stopped this, all of them could have.

They were all to blame.

**I'm losing what's left of my dignity,**

**--**

**But I'll fight till the end for her heart.**

Feelings slowly started coming back to him. Slow, groggy, his father's last request ringing in his ears.

_I never knew you and now you're asking me for favors? _He thought angrily. Why did everyone expect something from him? What could they want? _Its their fault, they brought me into all of this._

He fell into the darkness again.

**I'll never give up for what's possibly,**

**--**

**For better for worse this love must be cursed.**

Everyone had quieted down, and many of the rambunctious teenagers had left, asking to be contacted whenever Watanuki woke up, or wishing for them to give him their best wishes.

It was a huge relief to know that Watanuki had made it this far, however, there was still that tugging stress at the edge of Doumeki's mind that maybe this is it, the last time Watanuki breathed in, his last seconds alive. There was always that minimal chance that the boy himself wouldn't be able to hold out any longer.

Watanuki had been moved to a room on the fifth floor and both Doumeki and Ted were permitted to wait in the hospital room along with the gradually recovering patient.

Watanuki still wasn't capable of breathing on his own, and it was the most peculiar thing to watch a person who was so alive, so incredibly energetic to seem so frail, breakable, breathing with the assistance of an oxygen mask. It pained Doumeki to see it.

_But of course, that's how Watanuki always seemed on the surface_, Doumeki thought, _who knows how his inner workings were_.

**Just try to keep your head down,**

**--**

**But you come and find that trust has come and gone.**

In and out, in and out. Watanuki was barely aware of how his breath fluctuated until it was all that he could hear inside his head. His lungs filling with the overly pure oxygen, then compressing, deflating, pushing it out of him. In and out, in and out.

Slowly other noises, or motions caught his attention. A small steady beeping, a constant rhythm that seemed to comfort the drifting boy. His heartbeat, Watanuki barely realized. That was his heartbeat. He was alive.

_The east side of the river, thirteen feet. _

Watanuki became more aware. He had to deliver his father's only and final wish. He had to make something right.

The boy began to struggle against the darkness clouding his mind.

**Everyone out there is listening,**

**--**

**But you don't care at all and you're probably glad to know.**

Doumeki had been waiting for hours, sitting, anticipating, worrying. He felt stiff and tired. Drained.

Ted had been forced to leave when his father came to retrieve him, the boy protesting and becoming flustered until he had to eventually concede and take his leave. "_Please, just take care of him." _The leaving adolescent had demanded and Doumeki nodded slightly, trying to conserve his energy.

He would protect Watanuki, he would love him, he would _live _for him.

He deserved that much.

The steady beat of the heart monitor began to increase rapidly, grabbing the attention of the out-of-focus cop.

**I'm losing what's left of my dignity,**

**--**

**But I'll still fight till the end for her heart.**

_Why are you struggling? _He asked himself, trying to break through the darkness, trying to get a better grip on pushing forward. _You'll fulfill your father's wish, then what?_

_Go back living with that man? Re-welcoming the torture? The pain? Do you really think things will change?_

"No!" He yelled at the echoing voice, stopping his struggling, gripping at his head. "I need to, he asked me to."

_What about you? No one needs you, no one cares. That's why you've been alone for so long, that's why this all happened. _

"No, no! I didn't trust them, that's why...its not them." The boy pleaded with his deepest thoughts, the ones he had locked up long ago, but were now being released. "Its my fault!" He continued to yell.

_Oh? Is it really your fault? You're the victim aren't you? You're the one in pain, you're the one who was pushed into a corner, you're the one who had to deal with it alone. Its them, they did this to you. You owe them nothing. Forget it, let go._

"I still, I still need to." The boy cried, cowering from the voice echoing off the walls of his mind. "I need to."

_Need to? Or is it you want to? Do you want to hurt again, to be broken? Or is it you want to be saved?_

Watanuki's eyes widened, a small glimpse of Doumeki flashing across his mind. The boy slumped to the floor, abandoning his attempts to reawaken, contemplating the new truth that had been brought to his attention.

"I...want to. I want to love him." The boy finally replied, hardened resolve making the pessimistic voice disappear.

**I'll never give up for what's possibly,**

**--**

**For better for worse this love must be cursed. **

Watanuki's heart rate had been speeding for the past ten minutes, several nurses and the doctor in-charge all swarming around his bed, proceeding with several tests to make sure he was alright, that nothing would take him away.

Doumeki stood in the background, trying to see through the blockade of medical enthusiasts, to get a glimpse of the person he loved so much, praying that it wouldn't be the last time he would be able to do so.

"Remove the oxygen." The doctor commanded of the nurse closest to the hospital bed's head board and the plastic mask was removed.

**You already let it pass through your lips,**

**You can't take it back now.**

**--**

**You already let it pass through your lips,**

**You can't take it back now.**

It was like finally breaching the surface of the ocean after being tied down into its depths.

The boy gasped as he swallowed his first breath, eyes shooting wide, back arching slightly away from the bed.

Everything hurt, his head, his lungs, the underside oh his elbow and fore-arm where heavy amounts of liquid was being injected directly to his veins, but most of all his wrist.

It hurt worse then it had slit open.

"East side of the river, thirteen feet. East side..." He repeated desperately, his voice dry.

He suddenly felt numerous hands on his chest and shoulders as he was pushed back down to the bed, still trying to catch his sporadic breath. He fought against them weakly.

"Thirteen feet." He rambled.

He was alive, he had made it. The hands went away, and the boy stayed against the large, starchy pillow underneath his neck, catching his breath, scanning his surroundings with a blurry vision.

"I have to. Thirteen feet." He continued to ramble when a blurry figure in the background caught his eye.

He was about to call to the person when his attention was brought to a medium-built black haired man in a long white coat.

"Do you know where you are?" The man asked, his voice extremely soothing, the kind of tone that was only achieved after years of practice.

The disoriented adolescent hazily looked around his surrounding, the paper robe he wore, the medical machines at every nook and cranny of the room.

"A hospital?" The boy said hesitantly and then, what he assumed to be, doctor smiled, nodding lightly.

"Do you know who you are?"

His mind was blank and his body began to shake. He couldn't place a name to himself. _"Do you know who you are?" _The question rang in his head.

"I...I don't." He began, tears beginning to rim his eyes.

"I don't remember."

**I'll never give up for what's possibly**

**For better for worse this love must be cursed**

**--**

A/N: Wow, this wasn't where I was expecting the story to go at all! I love surprises! Sorry for another cliff-hanger...it just came out that way. Well! Please **review** and let me know what you think!!

Oh and a side note...to all those who have reviewed under an anonymous name, Thank you so much for taking the time to review and let me know what you think, but it makes me sad that I can't reply to your reviews...I hope this counts!


	11. Practice Makes Perfect

A/N: Hiizahhh another chapter!! So here is your weekly dose!

Disclaimer: I own nothin', it either belongs to CLAMP or my new favorite band Cute Is What We Aim For (their new CD is AMAZING!)

**Chapter 11: Practice Makes Perfect**

**--**

**So sweet I can hardly speak,**

**due to such trauma in my teeth.**

The Doctor's face turned sad, and the man stood up straighter. The confused boy continued to look at him, begging for an answer in his deep blue eyes.

**But your body language is telling me,**

**--**

**That you're worth the pain.**

"Who am I?" The boy questioned, voice full of disbelief and uncertainty.

Doumeki's chest clenched and he gripped the fabric there. Watanuki didn't remember, he didn't know who he was.

Had he forgotten about him too?

He couldn't take it. Doumeki hadn't realized just how badly he was affected by this boy until that very moment, when he felt like his entire world had just crumbled.

The cop had to get out of that room, get some fresh air.

**So weak I can hardly keep,**

**shaky legs holding up my feet.**

--

**But your body language is telling me,**

**that I'm not to blame.**

The confused adolescent was still searching the Doctor's face when he noticed the same, somewhat more clear figure move again in the back-ground.

"You are Kimihiro Watanuki." The Doctor explained and the boy looked at him for the smallest of seconds, small panic written on his features.

"Kimihiro Wata-nuki." He restated, trying to make the words register in his brain, waiting for that '_Oh, of course that's my name, how could I have forgotten?'_

But nothing.

The doctor straightened out, and Watanuki's vision was brought back to that of the tall figure in the background.

"Do you know why you're here?" The doctor asked, switching back into interrogation mode, trying to find out just to what extent the boy's amnesia went.

The boy looked down at his burning arm, staring a the I.V.s popping out of his skin, then to his overly wrapped wrist. His eyes narrowed and he felt a dark shadow of a memory pressing against the front of his mind.

"I...did something stupid didn't I?" He asked, voice solemn. The still unidentified figure's shoulder's hitched slightly, bringing the boy's attention back to him.

_Why do I feel like I need that person. _Watanuki wondered, while the doctor gave him a saddened smile.

**Practice makes perfect,**

--

**Practice makes perfect sense to me.**

_'I...did something stupid didn't I?' _

Doumeki couldn't take it.

This boy had been tortured, _raped, _for God knows how long, having every single right to want to escape from his painful life, and here he was degrading his choice and decision, making things seem so insignificant. As if he was apologetic for having to concern the people around him.

He kept feeling Watanuki's curious gaze on him, and it took every ounce of strength he had to not look at the boy, to rush to him and console any of his worries, make all the pain and despair go away.

He began to walk to the door.

**Wake up at first light hearing you calling out,**

--

**Fo your criminal clothing that fled the scene upon being ripped free.**

"I tried to kill myself." The boy elaborated, finally realizing what he had done, but he wasn't looking at the people around him. The person, that person was leaving. _Why?_

_I want him here...._"Don't go..." The boy breathed desperately, but the person didn't hear. They opened the door. He sat up, mind becoming more alarmed.

His heart began to race, the beeping on the side monitor speeding.

"Don't.." Watanuki pleaded, voice becoming louder. Unexplainable tears welled in his blue eyes.

"Don't go! Shizuka!" He yelled, eye's closing tightly, his chin tilting to his chest.

**Conversation ensued,**

--

**And I want to do so many things to you**

The room was quiet, tense, Doumeki standing in-between the doorway, his heartbeat almost stopping.

He slowly turned his head to where the most beautiful of sounds came.

_Watanuki had just said his name. He had said it..._

The boy was sitting up in the hospital bed, head down, his cropped black hair hanging in-front of his face, hands clenched in the white sheets. The Doctor seemed completely shocked, mouth hung slightly open, and the nurses looked on with wide eyes.

Doumeki smiled. _He remembered, he remembered something. _

He started walking over to the frail boy who he loved so much.

**Sip after sip, you insist you're a hit,**

--

**Sip after sip, yeah I swear I can feel it.**

Watanuki heard slow footsteps approach his bed, and he gradually lifted his hung head, a few tears escaping down to his cheeks.

He didn't understand what had come over him. The name just seemed natural, like it was an unspoken law that could never be forgotten.

This person was Shizuka Doumeki. This person was important.

Why he was important the boy was still uncertain of.

He locked his wary stare with Doumeki's, instantly being drawn in by the man's golden eyes.

There was a softness in them, shocked happiness, uncertainty and something else Watanuki couldn't place.

They felt familiar, kind...

_Loving...._

"Say it again." Came the man's quiet demand and Watanuki continued to stare at him, a remarkable grin spreading across his face.

"Don't go," He said softly.

"Shizuka."

**Practice makes perfect,**

**Practice makes perfect sense.**

**--**

**I've become, what a mother wouldn't want in a son.**

**And I have done, a few things I regret.**

Doumeki was smiling, truly, sincerely, just smiling.

The Doctor looked in-between the men for a brief moment and then smiled too, gesturing for the nurses to leave, and then he removed himself from the room as well.

Doumeki barely noticed, eyes never wavering from the injured person in-front of him.

His whole world was in the hands of that person, his entire world.

He sat on the bed, pulling Watanuki into a desperate embrace.

**I've become what a mother wouldn't want in a son,**

**--**

**And I have done, what a mother wouldn't want, what a mother wouldn't want in a son.**

Watanuki's eye's widened in surprise at the man's actions, but soon relaxed into the hug, bringing up his uninjured arm to return the embrace.

Who was this man to him? Why couldn't he remember?

The man let go, with visible reluctance, and Watanuki looked at him, hoping to find his missing answers in the man's face.

"What are you to me?" The boy breathed, looking down at his lap, fiddling with his fingers.

The man sighed and Watanuki looked at him again, guilt and uncertainty took hold of the adolescent's features.

But Doumeki's face was still holding the same smile, apparently not expecting Watanuki to know everything, completely devoted to helping the boy to understand.

Ah, sweet relief.

Watanuki wasn't sure if he could handle his emotions fluctuating so rapidly for much longer, he was grateful that Doumeki seemed to notice that.

"Well, how much do you remember?" Doumeki asked, voice not demanding in the least.

Watanuki thought on the question, trying to sift through the very brief, vague, foggy memories that he did have. "I...I know that you're important." He stated, still trying to remember. "I know that you...saved me." He continued, voice growing quiet. "I don't really remember much else." Watanuki finished.

_But there's something else...what is it?_

"Hn, that's good though." Doumeki stated, still looking at Watanuki with the same calm look of understanding. Of patients. "You didn't really know much about me in the first place." He stated jokingly, a smirk replacing his previous smile.

Watanuki's breath hitched. _He's beautiful. _He felt like his body was trying to tell him something, but what?

"Would you tell me?" Watanuki asked timidly, trying to sort out what the undying feeling was that was filling his stomach. "Everything that I don't know?"

Doumeki seemed to think on this a while, and then nodded, lightly grabbing one of Watanuki's hands and lacing it with his own. "About me?" He asked. Watanuki looked at him curiously and then smiled and nodded." _There was something there, at the front of his mind, why couldn't he remember?_

Doumeki returned the smiled and then started. "I'm a police officer. I grew up in a small town, had decent grades through school."

Doumeki continued to talk and Watanuki tried to hold back a giggle. This just seemed so weird, Doumeki seemed uncomfortable talking about himself, or maybe it was just from talking so much, and Watanuki was trying hard to listen, really really trying, but he had this incurable desire to just-

"I joine-" Doumeki's words were cut off when the front of his shirt was pulled towards a sudden Watanuki, his lips being caught by soft tender ones. Ones he was so scared that he had lost. Watanuki smiled at the contact, eyes sliding closed when the other didn't pull away. _So that's why he's important. _

The kiss felt so right, there was heat and an undying _need. _ Needing for the other to be there, to never leave. Watanuki pulled Doumeki closer to him, wanting more of this familiar feeling, wanting to feel so complete again. Doumeki's hand cupped his chin, his long fingers spreading through his hair and Watanuki let out a soft moan.

Brief splotches of memories appeared behind Watanuki's eye-lids. A spontaneous idea for escape by pulling the man close and breathing against his skin, kissing him then running- not expecting the warmth the touch had ensued-, being pressed against a cement wall, feeling the fabric of Doumeki's uniform, the confusion of the feeling's erupting from within him, then fear and sanctuary, a balcony, a leather couch and a firm chest, then dark grey sheets, a head-board and a wall. Touching, warmth, _happiness._

They slowly pulled apart, Watanuki's eyes still closed, but a small blissful smile spread across his wetted lips.

"That," He said breathlessly, "I remember."

**Practice makes perfect**

**Practice makes perfect sense to me.**

**--**

A/N: AWW, wasn't that just so sweet?? Besides that, not much really happened in this chapter did it....Don't worry, the action will pick up again in the next chapter! You guys know the drill please **REVIEW**! And thank you to all who have!


	12. Believe

A/N: (hides under desk) Maa! Don't be angry! I know I've taken sooo long to update but spare me!

This chapter is full of a lot of self-realization on Wata's part (which I'm afraid is a reflection of all the events I just finished with personally) and sadly, I think with the way I finished the chap, there will only be one more after this and then its done......how sad. ANYWAYS! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: xxxholic will forever rest in the possession of the amazing group of Nihon-jin girls: CLAMP The song is in the possession of the spectacular band The Bravery (ugh I would kill to see them in concert!)

**Chapter Twelve: Believe**

--

**Faces all around me, they don't smile they just crack.**

There was something that Watanuki had said that was nagging Doumeki to no end.

The desperate whimpers he had exclaimed when he had first breached consciousness.

_"Thirteen feet, East side of the river...Thirteen feet."_

Doumeki had left Watanuki sleeping lightly on the hospital bed, hand limply clinging to his.

**Waiting for our ship to come, but our ships not coming back.**

_"I remember that." _The boy had said. If Doumeki had thought he knew a hopeless romantic when he saw one, Watanuki had brought that to a whole different level. Seriously, who say's stuff like that anymore?

Soon after, Watanuki laid himself down onto the large white pillows, staring half-lidded at Doumeki, small smile on his face-Doumeki stroking the back of the boy's thin hand with his thumb. The ministrations had put the exhausted adolescent into a soft slumber.

**We do our time like pennies in a jar.**

Doumeki rested the hand gently onto the squishy mattress and gently stood, pulling out the phone in his pocket, dialing a number as he closed the door behind him.

It rang twice before a groggy voice answered.

"Police." Came the tired voice of Doumeki's boss.

"Chief, I've got a lead on case 214." He responded firmly and he heard scrambling on the end of the line, as if someone was suddenly sitting up straighter, fully gripping the phone.

"What is it?" The voice said, more energetically. If there was one thing Doumeki could say about the Chief was that he was always up for a good run, always willing to do whatever he could to make sure the truth was brought to light.

"I think I've found the location of some evidence..."

**What are we saving for?**

--

**What are we saving for?**

Watanuki gradually became aware of the darkness of his eyelids, feeling an intense light blare against the thin pieces of skin. The sun, he vaguely registered.

He felt so out of it, but was thankful that he was no longer in pain. Maybe it was the buckets of morphine being injected into him, it was a definite possibility.

**There's a smell of stale fear that's reeking from our skins.**

His eyes opened and he was instantly blinded by the light, and he brought up his un-injured arm to cover his face. He heard shuffling from next to his head board and then someone spoke.

"Oh sorry, did the sun wake you? Should I close the blinds?" Came the concerned voice, a pretty melodic tone. Watanuki took his arm away and tried to let his eyes adjust. "No." Watanuki said kindly to the nurse. "Its nice actually, I like the sun."

**The drinking never stops because the drinks absolve our sins.**

The woman smiled at him, her long twin columns of curly black hair framing her face. "That's good, I like the sun too. I like it so much its a part of my name." The woman continued cheerily, the exuberance starting to rub off on the previously disoriented boy. He returned the smile full force.

"Really? What's your name?" He asked eagerly, the woman chuckled. "Himawari Kunogi," she offered. Watanuki smiled. "That's a pretty name."

"Thank you." She said, bringing a hand to her mouth to cover another smile. "Its so nice to see you smile Watanuki. You really have a wonderful smile." She said. "I'm your head nurse, so if you need anything-anything at all- don't hesitate to push the little button," She continued, bringing her hand to an orange rectangle on the adolescents right, "right here, okay?"

Watanuki nodded, sitting up straighter in bed. Himawari walked to the sliding door, having to check on other patients as well. "Well then, I'll be back soon." She said with another smile, but Watanuki stopped her before she could exit.

**We sit and grow our roots into the floor.**

"Thank you." He said clearly, bringing both of his hands to his lap, light gripping his left wrist. "Thank you so much." He added a little quieter. Himawari smiled once again, a ray of sunshine all on its own.

"Thank you," She retorted, "for surviving."

Watanuki stared somewhat at a loss at the door where his nurse had stood seconds before.

**But what are we waiting for?**

--

**What are we waiting for?**

Doumeki hung up the phone.

He had walked outside to get some fresh air during the duration of the conversation with the Chief, and his voice was thoroughly worked, not used to having to speak so much in any one sitting.

A small patrol group had been sent out to the vague designation Doumeki could provide, now they would have to wait to see what they could find.

Waiting seemed to become the consistent theme in Doumeki life recently, waiting to see what Watanuki would do next, waiting to see if the boy would survive, waiting to see how much he remembered, and now waiting to see what exactly was waiting for the both of them at the end of this journey.

How would everything fall through? Would Watanuki be able to get away from his fears, would they haunt him forever? Where would they bring him? If they took him away from the terrible place where he had kept himself?

He was seventeen for goodness sakes, about to start his life. How would this affect his school life? His friendships? Watanuki himself?

And where did this put Doumeki into the whole scheme of things?

Doumeki shook his head lightly, not really wanting to dwell on such sad matters, or events that would make a permanent habit out of waiting for inevitable results.

What mattered was what was happening now, Watanuki's recovery, getting him into a good home.

Making him himself.

He walked back into the hospital.

**So give me something to believe**

**--**

**Cause I am living just to breathe.**

Watanuki was sitting idly in the hospital bed, hand still held lightly around his wrist, blue eyes gazing out the window and into the bright outside.

What had happened to him, to make him do something so drastic? When would he remember?

He could vaguely feel the impressions of something very unpleasant, whenever he attempted to wrack his inner most spaces of memory, but still not much came up.

He remembered crazy parties, dancing, pounding music. Smiling, being with other smiling faces.

Some not so smart times, with a hangover and the blazing sun-so exact to the one he was still staring at-, or going into those dark alleys, trying to blend in, to get what he came for to make everyones' night all that much more worth while. Being reckless and haphazard, creating a constant roller-coaster for himself and those willing to go for the ride.

Calculus, Chemistry, MLA formats, Ceramics. He remembered a whole lot, but anything about what brought him here, not so much.

But the one vague remnant that did stand out was a dark place with two unfamiliar faces, and a plea-a favor-being asked of him...the contents of which he couldn't remember.

Watanuki was brought out of his thoughts when the door was opened, and he was stuck fixated to the sure to be train-wreck that pulled into his room.

"Watanuki Kimihiro I'm assuming?" Came the mystical voice of the stranger.

**I need something more, to keep on breathing for.**

A tall, very slender woman stood at the foot of Watanuki's bed, a long A-line dress flowing elegantly from her skin, and the most peculiar crimson eyes staring straight into the intrigued boy. She observed him for a brief moment and then her look softened, as if she already completely understood the situation, knew Watanuki's circumstances inside and out.

The woman gave Watanuki a drunken smile as she walked over to the left of his bed, pulling out a small rectangular paper from seemingly nowhere. "Yuko Ichihara, Social Services." She said handing the boy the business card with two slender fingers. She than elegantly flopped onto the bed along with the still unsure adolescent. "So. How are you feeling?" She asked, giving him a small look with a cheerful grin.

Watanuki continued to stare at her. "Uh...fine, I guess." He said, mouth going somewhat dry. Yuko laughed. "Fine? So you're Freaked-out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional?"

"Huh?"

"Of course, that's from The Italian Job, and this is something completely different...though perhaps not that far off." She replied, only managing to confuse the boy further. "You see, the protagonist's father is murdered by an ally and then in order to get revenge, she is forced to expose herself to the very man who killed her father. She gets her just rewards after many months of scheming and practice. Good movie, funny and entertaining." She elaborated and Watanuki could only absorb the information. He wasn't quiet sure what Yuko was getting at.

"I've been told that you have amnesia, but I'm curious as to how much you actually remember." She said, suddenly changing topics and making Watanuki fear of another seemingly pointless conversation. How this woman had somehow managed to get into the Social Service business and be able to keep her position was completely beyond him. "Your wrist for example. Would you tell me about it?"

Watanuki stared at her for a second longer and then turned to examine the wrapped appendage. "I...I tried to kill myself." He said, voice cracking somewhat from the blurs of emotion that shot through him when he tried to remember the exact situation. Yuko nodded knowingly. "Do you know why you would do something like that?" She asked, voice holding a more commandeering tone, obviously in a business mind-set.

Watanuki thought on that, trying to weed out the flashes of unidentified scenes playing in his head. He remembered dark warehouses, dancing bodies, a pounding beat. He remembered running and pushing, hard breathing, waking up, getting ready, always rushing...from what? What about his mother? Where was she?

She's dead.

Oh. That was something. He was remembering something.

He continued on the same train of thought.

His mother was around...he vaguely registered sharing smiles with her, cooking, the smell of warm tea. And then something darker, something unexplainable, a heavy cloud of sadness, betrayal, deceit, but still there was something he was forgetting. He pressed his mind for more, but it started to hurt and he felt one of his hands clench.

He looked at Yuko, for some reassurance, though why he had thought anything the woman could do for him was reassuring was a complete mystery. She gave him a slanted smile. "Keep going." She said quietly and Watanuki nodded warily, thinking again.

His mother had died....what of his father.

He's dead too........

Dead? That just didn't sound right. He wasn't dead exactly, something else, maybe.......

Murdered. He had been murdered.

Watanuki suddenly gasped at the realization, shaking slightly from the swell of emotions stirring in his stomach. He was choking on the tears he refused to shed. He still hadn't found his answer, he still didn't understand.

Why did he do it? Why did he want to kill himself?

**So give me something to believe.**

"Are you scared?" Yuko asked calmly, that same all-knowing smile lingering on her lips. Watanuki jumped slightly from being pulled out of his thoughts and turned to look at her.

"What?" He asked, eyes widening the smallest of portions.

"Are you scared to see what you actually are. To face what has happened to you? Are you backing down because it's too difficult, are you simply giving in?"

Watanuki stared at her, a small tremble running underneath every inch of his skin. He couldn't listen, his head was spinning. He gripped his ears, closing his eyes, trying to block the painful scenes pulling through his memory.

"Who are you? Really, truly to your very core, who is Watanuki Kimihiro?" Yuko continued, voice still soft- the complete opposite of the chaos running rampant through Watanuki's being- as she rested her chin on a raised hand against a crossed leg.

Pain, was all that the adolescent could register, dark splotches and pure hatred being shoved into his face.

_Make it stop. _He screamed internally.

**Something's always coming you can hear it in the ground.**

**--**

**It swells into the air with a rising rising sound.**

Doumeki was about to enter into Watanuki's hospital room when he heard an unfamiliar voice from the inside, his hand stopped at the door-knob.

"I wonder what could have been so bad, to have made you go to such an extreme." Said a very _very_ womanly voice, but Doumeki sense of hinted probing, guidance maybe from the voice.

"Suicide, however, is always-no matter what the case-an act of cowardice." The voice concluded and I heard a small whimpering noise from an undoubtedly hurt Watanuki, he flung the door open on instinct.

There was a woman sitting on the edge of Watanuki's bed, but that wasn't what he cared about. The look on Watanuki's face was absolutely heart-breaking. A look of all-consuming sadness and confusion playing in his bewildered blue eyes as he looked at Doumeki almost pleadingly.

However, before Doumeki could demand an explanation, the woman stood, her smile pulling more on the right side of her slim lips.

"You are fortunate Watanuki-despite what you have gone through, or what you think is fair- you are fortunate. Taking a life, whether someone else's or your own, creates a heavy price to bare. You are fortunate that there are others who are willing to prevent you from incurring such a debt." The woman stated, walking away from the boy's bed and towards where Doumeki stood, in an unexpressed state of shock.

She reached the door way and gave Doumeki a flashy grin before speaking, "I'll take care if the papers, so take care of him."

And then the woman was gone, commanding aura and all.

**And never comes, but shakes the boards and rattles all the doors**

**--**

**What are we waiting for, what are we waiting for?**

Watanuki still stared at the now partially empty doorway, completely unsure of what to think about his recent encounter with the completely other-wordly woman.

His gaze went to Doumeki who had his head turned to where Yuko had left her wake.

**So give me something to believe.**

But the boy was shaken, completely undoubtedly shaken. How could he, himself, not realize his true circumstances, without being clouded by his own self-sacrificing mentality.

No, not self-sacrificing, there was nothing to gain from what he did--whatever it was that he had done, or allowed to be done to him--. He made assumptions, thought that he had known what everyone would think, fearing what their reactions would be.

How incredibly arrogant.

**Cause I am living just to breath.**

Watanuki was ashamed of just how incredibly egotistical he had been, how he tried to make it seem like he was the only one baring any form of suffering all the while. How many people had he dragged down with him? The boy glanced at Doumeki, who was now approaching his bed.

**And I need something more, to keep on breathing for.**

"Are you okay?" Doumeki asked as he sat in the same spot Yuko had occupied only moments ago. The adolescent stared at the cop, trying to make something out of what was going through his head.

Making something out of nothing basically.

"Yeah, I think I'm okay." Watanuki responded, putting a carefree grin on his face. "When do I get out of this place?" He continued, stretching his arms over his head, wincing slightly at a pain that throbbed in his left arm.

Doumeki shook his head lightly, smiling ever so minutely at the younger's antics. "They said, since you've stabilized so well, about three days, but..."

Watanuki cocked an eyebrow when the sentence wasn't finished. "But?" He urged. Doumeki looked at him, ruffling the boy's raven hair.

"They want you to take some therapy sessions, and I think that it would be a good thing too, though we won't force you." The stoic man finished, a small sadness shadowing his features.

**So give me something to believe.**

The small permeating downward feeling spread to the previously smiling Watanuki and he looked at his legs underneath the white sheets, but after a few moments, a small smile dominated his features and he nodded his head, giving Doumeki an 'okay' sort of look.

Doumeki returned the smile and patted the top of the boys head. "We'll get this all figured out." Doumeki stated reassuringly and Watanuki's smile broadened.

**I am hiding from some beast, but the beast was always here.**

**--**

**Watching without eyes because the beast is just my fear.**

It was around noon and Doumeki sat in the pastel-green armchair in the corner, watching as Watanuki continued with his zealous conversation with Kunogi Himawari.

"Neh, You're training to become a Pediatric? That really suits you Miss Himawari." Watanuki said sincerely, throwing out his usual charm that just got everyone around him caught up in whatever it was he did.

The nurse giggled and proceeded to drain a small injection into the underside of Watanuki's arm. "You think so Watanuki? That's so great!" She exclaimed, smiling again as she placed the syringe on the small silver tray on her lap.

**That I am just a nothing, now it's just what I've become.**

_"Shizuka." Watanuki started, lightly gripping the hand that was atop his head and pulling it to his lap. "I won't run anymore. I won't try to escape." The boy said, grinning sincerely. "I'll face it--whatever it is--, so....would you stay with me?" _

_Doumeki looked at him with a brief expression of shock and then his features softened. "I've got nowhere else to go." He said smugly and Watanuki chuckled._

**What am I waiting for? It's already done.**

"If you need anything, just call." She said as she stood up and smiled again, walking out of the room. Watanuki returned the smile with equal enthusiasm and waved as Himawari left.

**So give me something to believe.**

A few minutes passed, Doumeki lightly dozing off in the chair, Watanuki staring out the window with a faint smile, when a knock came at the door.

"Come in!" Watanuki said energetically and he smiled when a few figures entered the room.

**Cause I am living just to breath.**

A tall man with ginger dread-locks and a relaxed smile, another the same height but with chest-nut hair and green eyes, along with a group of four girls with varying hair styles and happy grins came and stood next to his bed.

"How are you feeling Kim?" Said the teenager with chest-nut hair. Watanuki stared at him trying to place a name.

_Uhm......T-, something with a T. Ah, forget it! _

**And I need something more, to keep on breathing for.**

"Alright, though I can't really remember anything." Watanuki explained somewhat embarrassed and the group chuckled. The same person talked. "We heard, but the Doc said that you might remember from seeing us, but I guess not huh?"

Watanuki smiled at them. What was he thinking? Leaving this behind? "Sorry." Watanuki said timidly, and a petite girl giggled.

"Its okay Kimihiro, that's why we came."

"When are you getting out of here? This place doesn't suit you at all." Interrupted the adolescent with orange hair, and everyone laughed in unison.

Watanuki as well.

Doumeki smiled as he looked out the open window.

**So give me something to believe.**

**--**

A/N: Neh, so was it any good? I found that I kept writing the characters OC from the already OC-ness of this story, so I wasn't too sure, but I hope you still enjoyed it, despite the delayed update and the cheesy lines.

The next chapter will be-I'm almost a hundred percent sure- the last, I already know how I'm going to start it, and its going to be with a lot of time skips, but it'll be fun and cute I hope.

SO! please review and let me know what you think! REVIEW WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!

Jaa Na!


	13. The End

A/N: Aiya, this is it, the inevitable chapter. I've truly enjoyed this story so much, and JEEZ! It seems like you guys have too, a 100+ reviews? That's OUTRAGEOUS! Thank you so much for everyones' continued support and I will miss you all indeed!

So without further ado, Mercury and Solace; Chapter Thirteen.

--

'Save changes to new document?'

I sighed in relief as I pushed the 'yes' button that came up on screen. The document saved and I dragged it to the thumb drive plugged into the side of my laptop. I stretched as I ejected the device and capped it.

The door to my right opened. "Ready to go?" Came Doumeki's smooth voice and I turned to him and smiled.

"Yeah, just finished. Can we stop by the editors on the way there?" I asked, standing and pushing the rolling chair at the desk in. Doumeki nodded and walked away from the door, leaving me to follow behind.

...

"So, Kimihiro, this will be the last of our sessions. I am very pleased with your progress." Said the aged man with a white trimmed mustache. Watanuki smiled as he nodded.

"Thank you so much Mr. Harding, its really been a pleasure." The now-legally-an-adult responded as he stood from his seat.

He shook hands with the elderly man as his phone went off in his back jean pocket. "Excuse me." Watanuki said politely as he picked up the phone.

"Hel-"

"KIM! WHERE ARE YOU!?" Yelled Ted through the phone, there was so much noise in the background that the raised tone was completely understandable. Watanuki chuckled. "I'm just finishing up, I'll be there soon." Watanuki reassured and he heard a sigh from the other end.

"JUST HURRY UP, THE CEREMONY'S STARTING IN THIRTY MINUTES, IT'LL LOOK BAD IF OUR VALEDICTORIAN IS LATE." Ted continued flustered-ly and it sounded like he was being tackled.

"NEH IS THAT KIMIHIRO?!" "TELL HIM TO HURRY UP!" "WE'VE GOTTA LINE UP!" Came the loud voices of Watanuki's young peers.

"Okay, okay, I'm leaving, be there soon." Watanuki chided and he waved to his ex-therapist as he left the wooden room. He started to run down the hallway as he ended the call and slipped the device back into his pocket. Watanuki skidded to a halt at the entrance to the lobby, as he was plagued with sunlight, and he looked around the parking lot, a raised fore-arm covering his eyes, a wrapped bulge at the end of the appendage.

"Lets go, you'll be late." Called Doumeki from his car and Watanuki smiled. "We'll be fine." The younger stated as he hopped into the passenger seat, fastening his seat belt.

Doumeki snickered as he pulled the car out of the the filled lot.

...

"What's the article this time?" Doumeki asked as we drove through the crowded downtown streets. I laughed lightly resting my hand against the edge of the door. "It's kinda an auto-biography." I stated and I could feel Doumeki questioning eyebrow raise.

Living with someone for twenty years can do that to you I guess.

...

"Christ Kim, cutting it a little short aren't we?" Ted scolded as Watanuki stood in-front of him in the line of graduating seniors- all clad in red robes and caps-- Watanuki and the few others standing around him having an extra ribbon of cloth indicating their academic achievement.

"I made it though, right?" Watanuki added with a chuckle as he greeted several others around him, giving Lionel and Anelah a large wave, all the while keeping up with the slowly moving line.

Ted breathed out, "True. Are we still on for tonight?"

Watanuki nodded enthusiastically. "The graduation party? Most definitely." Ted gave an exaggerated thumbs up to the groups behind him and several rounds of 'hooray!' could be heard from the clustered young adults.

Watanuki laughed as he gave Ted a playful shove.

...

"Well, people have been requesting it from the other columns, so I just went along with it." Watanuki elaborated, but snapped his head to look at his partner when a low chuckle erupted from the man's lips. "What?!" He demanded.

"Nothing, I was just thinking about how interesting it must be."

...

Red caps soared through the air, and cheers came from every direction. Watanuki was transfixed on the scene playing before him, a huge smile across his features.

He was attacked from behind by a small group immersed in their jubilation. They all laid there on the ground, laughing good-heartedly when Watanuki looked to the area where the parents and close family sat watching. He saw Doumeki looking at him with a soft expression and he gave him a huge smile as the large group of people on him seemed to accumulate.

"Kimihiro! What time tonight?!" Everyone asked in unison and Watanuki smiled. "Ten o'clock, at the shop on the corner of Westminster and Gloria." He responded loudly so everyone could hear, laughing at the weight consuming him as everyone gave another round of cheers.

...

"All done?" Doumeki asked as I pulled the passenger door open and I nodded happily. "Yeah,"

"Lets go."

...

"Where are you going?" Doumeki asked gruffly from the hallway as Watanuki slipped on his black converses. Watanuki looked back at him with a cheeky grin. "You'll find out." The off-duty cop sighed. "You're going to get me in trouble one of these days."

Watanuki continued with his smile as he stood, opening the front door. "You've been in trouble since the day we met." He stated as he ran out the door grinning.

...

"So this is where it all began, huh." I said to the empty ally next to the now-inhabited warehouse. Doumeki came up behind me, lacing his hands around my waist. "How's your wrist?" Doumeki asked and I sighed, _is he still on that?_

"Its been fine for the past thirteen years." I huffed and Doumeki chuckled. "Just checking." I leaned my head onto his shoulder and looked up into the dark night.

...

"What is it?" Doumeki gruffly asked as he flipped open his phone.

"We've finally found something!" Yelled his partner on the other end and Doumeki's heart practically stopped. _Great time for Watanuki to be out. _He thought sarcastically. "What is it?" He asked, his monotone voice not showing his excitement.

"It's a will, and a sealed envelope."

"What?" Doumeki questioned, completely shocked. "Is that it?"

"Yeah, but, chief says that the will's contents is plenty enough." The man stated through the phone. "We think that the letter might be for Kimihiro."

Doumeki grunted, pulling on his shoes. "I'm coming to pick it up."

...

I breathed out. "Thank you."

Doumeki chuckled and I reveled in the vibrations that went through his chest.

...

"OI!!" Yelled Watanuki's friends and he smiled as he turned and sprinted down another darkened alleyway. There was a mumbling man slouched on the right wall and Watanuki stared at him curiously as he sprinted by.

The man had sunken cheeks, grayed skin, and was mindlessly rambling as if he was at the unfortunate end of some sort of incident that had left him mentally handicapped. Watanuki froze as the stranger's eyes lifted and connected with his. The eyes went wide in what seemed like fear.

They stared at each other for a long moment, and Watanuki felt shivers pulse down his spine. He knew this man...but from where?

Must have been from before he had amnesia, though why he would know anyone in such a terrible condition was beyond him. Though, granted, he still didn't remember everything, just what he had gained from exposing himself to what he could, through trial and error.

The now-stranger must not have been that important.

"COME ON WATANUKI!" Yelled his peers still waiting at the end of the ally. The young adult snapped back to reality and wearily began to jog away from the shocked man, whose mouth was slightly hung.

...

"It's okay," Doumeki responded.

"Since I love you."

...

Watanuki stopped his celebrating when he felt a vibration in his back pocket. He took out the phone and smiled at the I.D. of the just received text message on the screen, and he opened the alert. Watanuki quickly walked out of the crowd, through the door and into the open night air.

"What's up?" Watanuki asked the figure leaning against the parked car and Doumeki shrugged as the younger walked over to him. The cop handed him an envelope. "What's this?" He asked looking at the item. "Open it and we'll find out." Doumeki responded logically and Watanuki glared at him, but did as he was told.

There was a letter inside that seemed old and fragile and Watanuki carefully pulled the paper out, but stopped when he heard a sliding noise from inside the envelope. "Huh?" He asked as he dug into it, pulling out a small plastic piece. "What's this?"

"It looks like....a perfume cap." Doumeki said as he observed the object. His eyebrows furrowed as he continued to examine the odd thing. His attention was brought back to the smaller man when he heard a small hic-ing sound.

"What is it?" Doumeki asked with unexpressed alarm and Watanuki just shook his head. "It's, it's from my mom." He said weakly. "It's her suicide note, though it kinda seems more like an apology." Watanuki explained, letting the tears stream down his face.

"Neh Shizuka?" Watanuki asked, his head tilting back to the sky. "What?" The man responded softly, concerned over the person in-front of him. "Do you think she's happy? Do you think that she's proud of me?"

Doumeki pulled the boy into a hug, resting his fingers in soft raven hair.

"Who wouldn't be."

...

I laughed softly, resting more into Doumeki's chest. "What a coincidence, I love you too." I responded smugly.

Doumeki buried his forehead against my neck, causing me to laugh again. "Good."

...

_"Momma Momma! Why do you smell so pretty?" The young Watanuki asked, burring his face into his mother's hip. The woman chuckled. "Well," she started, '"it's because your father loved me very much." Watanuki looked at her with questioning young eyes. _

_"But daddy still loves you Momma, since you always smell so pretty! He has to!" The boy said cheerfully with a large smile. The woman scooped her young son into her arms, embracing him tightly. _

_A few moments passed and the woman's hold loosened. "Hey Momma?" The boy questioned. "Yes?" The woman said lightly, her black hair draping nicely over her shoulder. "Do I make you smell pretty too? Since I love you so much?"_

_The woman observed her son's face, smiling lightly._

_"Most definitely." She told her son happily, placing him on the kitchen counter. "Now, lets get cooking." She said energetically, pushing up her sleeves in a theatrical manner. The boy giggled. _

_"Alright!" The child cheered, hopping down onto the linoleum floor to help his mother._

...

"Happy Anniversary." Doumeki stated, lightly caressing my cheek.

"Happy Anniversary." I said happily, lacing my left hand with his, pulling him from the deserted area, silver band gleaming in the dark lighting.

...

It's funny. Out of all the things that happened to Watanuki, through everything that he had strived for, he still can't remember what had caused him to attempt suicide, to try and take his life just like his mother had.

But he figured that what he had lost was compensation for all he had gained.

Like being able to start breakfast before Doumeki could wake up, or to fulfill his incurable desire to dance in the rain.

Or catch up with old friends, go to a good concert.

Try something new, always just being able to grasp what he could while he still can.

To stay and face what scared him most, to never bat an eyelash. To not be afraid of who he is, even if he had to fight the world in the process.

The joy of being able to use his left hand again, to finally get the bandages removed. To be proud to wear the scars he harbored.

He wondered if he had once been different and what had changed him if he was.

Wondered if it was the crazy nights, the intense days, those lazy Sundays, or a new brand of tea.

Watanuki was living for now, living because he could.

Strobe, Movement, Music, Freedom.

The thrill of the escape, Watanuki's true addiction.

He found that the truth was much different.

* * *

The safety of the capture was what he was craving all along.

* * *

The End.


	14. M&S S Prelude to Parenthood

A/N: HEY GUYS! Well, you see, my muses, they...they did some awful things to my brain. XD Anyways, I've been writing this other fic called 'Glitter In The Air' and in one of the chapters I hinted that Lionel and Anelah (two OC characters originally from this story) had a baby. And then that got me thinking about M&S again......and then the juices just started pumping and I came up with a tiny sequel! YAY! So, I thought I would post up the first chapter and see what you guys think. THAT'S RIGHT! I'm letting you decided whether I continue this or not. So drop me a review and let me know!

**WARNING: This will **_**not**_** be M-preg...I REPEAT THIS WILL NOT BE M-PREG! Adoption ppl adoption. :D**

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to whomever they belong to. (Ly and An are MINE!...Chris too!!)

**Mercury and Solace Sequel; Chapter 1: Prelude to Parenthood**

--

"Hey Shizuka."

"Yeah." The addressed cop responded, laying a small peck on the still sweat-slicked forehead of his smaller partner.

"I want a child." The petite columnist stated softly.

There was a pregnant pause.

Doumeki rested his chin on a raised hand, the light-gray sheets falling off of the elder's now exposed chest. He gave the younger a curious look.

Watanuki blushed under his lover's scrutiny.

"Why?" Was Doumeki's simple question. The other's brilliant blues turned a darker shade, the color that Doumeki had come to associate with Watanuki's expression for sadness.

"Well, you know how Anelah and I had lunch the other day?"

Doumeki nodded.

"She brought Chris with her, and he was just so adorable...I don't know....it just really triggered something in me."

_'Oh, right, Chris, Lionel and Anelah's energetic new-born. Watanuki has known them since high-school... God, have we really been together for 25 years already?'_

Doumeki continued to stare at the person slightly underneath him.

Nothing really had changed. Sure Watanuki's adolescent frame had stretched out...becoming more mature and developed, but the feminine and sometimes feline characteristics still held.

He was as gorgeous as ever.

Doumeki wrapped a heavy arm around the smaller frame. "Okay, but...are you sure?"

The cop was uncharacteristically unsure, a child was a HUGE responsibility. It would be eighteen full years of dedication, tears, anger, disappointment, bliss...

Watanuki sat up, his bare back against the bed's headboard. "Well, yeah, I mean....We have so much space, and enough money to make it by. We could be _parents_ Shizuka, we could give someone a _home._"

Doumeki looked up at the other, resting his head on Watanuki's flat abdomen. He took in a deep breath, a slender hand stroking his hair habitually.

Doumeki knew how important this was to Watanuki, he could just tell. As soon as the words 'parents' and 'home' slipped out, it was obvious that this was something the younger was determined to do. Perhaps Watanuki was trying to prove something, prove to himself that he's not like how his father was....or his mother.

"Alright." Doumeki said finally with a small nod and the smile that appeared on Watanuki's face could have fried several light-bulbs.

"Night Shizuka." The columnist said happily, turning onto his side and curling into the firm back behind him.

"Goodnight Kimihiro."

--

A/N: Neh? Neh?! So should I continue it or not? Or maybe make it longer and into a oneshot?? Let me know!

Thanks!

OH! And btw, there was an anonymous review who asked about the title of this fiction. And yes, Mercury and Solace was named as such thanks to BT's song Mercury and Solace.

ANYWAYS! TELL ME WHAT YOU ARE THINKING! I CAN'T READ MINDS!

:D loves. A-n-B


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